whoever said girls don't like watching sports was wrong.

this is a co-write from the smart and single trio. do enjoy.

they were just thinking about it wrong. sometimes, we wanna watch the game. but really, most of the time we're much more interested in watching the players.

recently, the gals-around-town (nay, across the states) have been talking about the deliciousness that is the athlete, especially the man-hunk that is the avid soccer player. and here are some of our faves and why. (and you rockers and ar-teests and nerds out there, don't worry, we like you too. but potentially for different reasons) they aren't in any particular order, but we ARE saving the best for last...

the gallant golfer

okay, so this one varies a lot. but if you go for the young lot, you might find a four of young-ish pretty-boy guys. and there's nothing wrong with checking out the pretty boy. another benefit--as long as they aren't wearing the weird caps or whatever, these guys are usually dressed nicely instead of in outfits emblazoned with school/team names or whatever. and that's nice, 'cause it makes it easier for them to take you out afterwards. now, the uniforms have their benefits too, but we'll get to that...

the big basketball player

y'know, sometimes they're hot. but a lot of times these guys are a leeetle too tall. and if you can't SEE them, then what's the point? and, um, gals don't like feeling dwarfish...also, this game usually moves too fast for us to get to do a lot of checking out. But if we get to see you after the game? We're probably checking out your shoulders.

the fantastic football player

usually, we're not talking about linemen here. think quarterback. think halfback. think runningback. heck, think about their back SIDE. tight asses people. tight asses in shiny pants. pretty much the only time guys should wear pants this tight, but good lord. brainy and foxy went to college together, and attended pretty much every football game we could in college. and let me tell you, we were a LOSING team. if we weren't busy flirting or wearing off the pre-game partying, we were probably checking out the football players.

the blow-your-mind baseball player

hello, men who look good in caps. and more tight pants. and lots of bending over for those grounders. dirt looks sexy on these guys--and if they aren't busy sliding into home (oh god that was a bad pun) then they're making awesome-looking catches or throws. they can be a little over-zealous about the game though, and that makes the attraction dissipate.

the ravishing rower

these boys have ARMS. and LEGS. and SHOULDERS. and tans. and they wear unis and look like studs. again, this sport is not for spectators that are weak of heart. between the rippling waves and the rippling biceps, there's some man candy to see. sometimes though these guys are buff but ridiculously skinny. but when they're not? good for the old peepers, for sure. Foxy didn't really know much about these beauties until she moved to the east coast--and she had NO IDEA what she was missing. yowza!

the sun kissed surfer
generally without a shirt, wet and tanned from all that time in the sun, these guys tend to be on the healthy, earth-friendly side of life--not to mention are almost always happy. Because who wouldn't be happy after catching an awesome wave? Added bonus: they are more than
willing to teach you to surf, allowing alone beach time, sun screen rubbing (aloe rubbing for post burn) and flirtatious spashing. lucky sexy--she lives near those west coast surfer boys.

the rugged rugby player
big. brawny. fearless. And pretty much the life of any party. In fact, most college rugby club teams throw the best parties on campus. Plus any Florence Nightengail ladies get plenty of opportunities to take care of the rough and tumble guys post game. Be careful though ladies, these guys have a rough side--but sometimes that's what makes 'em so sexy.

the hot-n-heavy hockey player
whether on or off the ice, these guys are usually a good time. They're fun to watch because they definitely fulfuill the whole "bad boy" thing...usually the last to be pushed around in their sport, they slam into the plexiglass with a "yeeeowch" from onlookers.. and a somewhat attractive sense of "toughness." These guys might not be the preppiest, the most ripped, or the most well-mannered (at least on the ice) but they can definitely score with their rugged competitive edge..

the slick, slippery swimmer
not the most televised of athletes, these guys don't get the attention they deserve. But, man, gotta tell ya.. when the Olympics are on, Brainy's (and Sexy's and Foxy's, too) mouth waters for those hunks in speedos. Maybe it's the lean nature of the body along with typically handsome looks. Maybe it's b/c they're fast. Maybe it's the way they throw their (well-sculpted) arm into the air when victory takes place...Whatever it is, we like it..and that takes A LOT to say when admiring a guy in things that look like panties and a swim cap.

the tantalizing tennis player

about 95% of men who play tennis are REALLY good looking. and not just in the body--in the face too. and the arms. and the legs. their hair ends up all floppy from playing, and they wear silly sweat-headbands and mmmmm. they often sport nice i've-actually-been-in-the-sun tans, and there's sun-bleached hilights in their hair. A smart girl'll let them luv-luv her anytime! (ha!)

the soccer stud

hands down, they win. serious. like, game is theirs, no contest. soccer is quite physically demanding sport. and it lends itself to creating some breathtaking hunks of man-art. if you've ever gotten up-close and personal with a soccer player, you know what I'm talking about. they're thin enough but meaty too, and they've got the right amount of muscle in all the right places. and good lord, their asses. is it getting hot in here?!? hands down, girls prefer the soccer stud. seriously, took a poll last night. hubba hubba.

some happy thoughts for your friday. and enjoy the final four. and if you don't enjoy the game then just think about your fave type of sports guy--'cause we will...

~fs, bb and tso, the sporty one!

i wanna hold your hand...

In the spirit of * sighs * I had to add one thing.

The act that can make this heart swoon is the simply grabbing my hand and holding on, no matter how brief or long, tight or loose, nervous or confidant, public or private.

The brief hand brush while watching a concert on your first date.
The way he holds your hand in a movie theatre, with his thumb just barely rubbing your thumb.
The quick squeeze when you both realize this party is lame and you need to get out of there, now.

There are so many variations on the hand holding. It may not be sexual act but it sure is sexy. And I will fall for it every time.


TSO - The Sighing One

Spooning leads to forking.. and other bedtime bus-nass...

So. You're "there." You're past the initial first awkwardness and shiznit. He's staying at your place. You're staying at his. You're not in a routine per se.. but really just enjoying the moments.. of which there are MANY. :) While a guy's not down and out if he doesn't do the following, I can't help but swoon when....

1. He makes your bed. You come out of the bathroom, toothbrush in hand or whatever else.. and there he is.. standing in your room, bed fully made. No one said it had to be made WELL, but just the effort makes me want to jump right back in bed with him again. *happy sigh*

2. He gets YOU a toothbrush...without you asking. Foxy posted about the 2nd toothbrush, but man oh man does this make me smile. I love the whole casual getting ready for bed thing.. and he chimes in and says "Oh, hey.. I had an extra toothbrush if you want to use it." This could be because I have really bad morning breath (yeah, likely) but it's also a really cute way of him making my night. :)

3. He lets YOU change the channel.. or actually flips off the sports just b/c he knows it's not exactly riveting entertainment for you. This does NOT give you free reign to channel surf directly to Sex and the City.. but maybe a good Seinfeld or even Friends. Yeah. Cute.

4. He knows you get cold. We're girls. We get cold when we sleep sometimes. Personally, my shoulders just about freeze off my body. I LOVE it when a guy KNOWS that.. and ever so sweetly covers up my shoulder in the midst of switching sleep positions. *even happier sigh*

5. He gets you a glass of water. This can occur after fooling around, first thing in the morning, whatever the situation.. He asks you if you want some water.. to which you say yes.. and (likely clad in boxers), he heads off to the kitchen/bathroom returning with a glass of H2O.. This doesnt make me smile b/c I like people to cater to me...but rather.. just b/c it's sweet.. and thoughtful...and usually makes the morning last a bit longer. ;)

6. He turns off the alarm. I don't know if anyone can relate, but I hit snooze about a zillion times. If he stays with me on a day when I have to get up for work, I typically end up running happily late when, before I know whats going on, he's out of bed hitting snooze... I always take the next snooze (cause like I said.. I hit it a zillion times), but just that he got up...so I didnt have to is adorable. (He's likely just wanting the alarm to shut off and wondering what's wrong with me that I hit snooze so much, but let me have my moment)

Just felt like sayin.. that's all... Kudos to the nice guys... :)

~BB

what is it about the schoolgirl, anyway?

you can swoon like one...
be giddy like one...
or even dress like one.

that last option might end up making you do the other two, if you play your cards right.

but me? I'm option #2 thanks. I've been option #1 and I certainly know how to do #3...but, yeah. Let's go with 2.

Also? not telling ya why. Wouldn't be the first time I'd been accused of being a tease.

anyhow, back to option #3. The costume. Some of it, I get. Girls dress up as sexy things, wearing, for instance, nurse outfits or rocking the Catholic school girl look, only to have guys do their darnedest to remove said costume in the most mutually beneficial way possible. And preferably some part of it is removed with their teeth. This part is fun. I get it.

but what I don't understand is the completely age inappropriate looks. like pigtails. I happen to like wearing my hair in pigtails, but I don't do so to be sexy. Or the girls I saw at halloween wearing completely sketch/slutty Rainbow Brite outfits. Or the ones who dress like naughty nursery rhyme characters. And yes, I realize there are two different types of these costumes--ones appropriate for the bedroom and ones appropriate for public. But sometimes, like on halloween, that line gets a leeeetle bit fuzzy...just a little.

me? I'd prefer to wear something lacy-n-racy over a slutty costume any day o' the week. including halloween. I do like to walk that fine line between damn sexy and damn skanky, but I want to be well on the sexy side, thanks.

anyway. just thinking about all the different ways of being a schoolgirl. I'll go back to thinking about option #2, but you're more than welcome to think about option #3, if you prefer. ;)

~foxysavant

nah, it's not gonna happen! not in a million years!

ah, lily allen. heard her song knock 'em out? it's hilarious.

and it's y'know, about the oh-so-gentle way of letting a guy down.

for instance, she explains, " They're like "alright what you sayin? can i take your digits?", And you're like 'No not in a million years', 'You're nasty please leave me alone.' "

and sometimes just 'cause that's what you're thinking doesn't mean you're gonna say it. well, most of the time. we ladies? we like to be nice if all possible. sometimes too nice, but usually we're not gonna whip out those three little words. instead, we're going to try to avoid the issue, and politely decline.

but the catch for me? it's that I'm not a good liar. I try not to lie. Even in a situation where I don't know you and you don't know me and I could really just say "I have a boyfriend" and it would be over. That's not to say I've never lied--I've pretended I was a lesbian before (hey, y'all have too!) and I must admit that once I kinda did lie about whether or not I was married (I totally left my ex two days later, actually, and kinda crushed some poor unsuspecting guy who shared my birthday, though in a different year, and whose friends bought me and my girlfriends drinks, which I still sorta feel bad for, though for the record I only flirted with him) but anyway, I TRY to avoid it. I just hate hurting people's feelings.

I mean, sometimes you can say "I'm flattered, but no thank you." But sometimes the guys ask WHY. Or they're like, well, just let me take you to dinner. Just gimme a chance...

Once, in a bar with a co-ed group, one of whom really was my boyfriend, a guy who I said no to actually grabbed my hand, wouldn't let go and PLEADED for the chance to take me to dinner--it was in the stars he said. Or the time that this guy kept trying to get his groove on with my very taken friend Cory, and she kept trying to get away from him. Both times the guys came to-ahem-let the person know to leave, but it was a MESS.

Or there are the guys who are strangers but come to rescue you when someone who is clearly a skeeze is hitting on you, only to turn around and hit on you too. And unless they happen to be terribly funny and adorable, they're not getting anywhere either.

So if he's sketch, fugly or not your style, how do you let the guy down gently? 'cause you can't tell him off, or walk away, or punch him, and sometimes they won't take no for an answer, so no one could blame us if we did...right?

~foxysavant

You down with SSB?

SSB= Secret. Single. Behavior.

How very sex and the city, right? Well, yeah, so what..One of my friends, Elle* , and I were talking about ours.. You see, the longer we are single and live alone...or at least in singledom, we have really developed some righteous SSB. C'mon.. you know what I mean.. For example:

~I read my Glamour magazine in the bathtub.. with candles.. It's a ritual damnit.. and I dare someone to mess with me during it.

~When I havent done dishes (I have no dishwasher) and I expect guests, I put them on a cookie sheet (yes, while they're dirty) and shove them under the sink. Yeah. Hot.

~I often stand in my bathroom. One one leg (its comfy). and pluck my eyebrows...for like an hour. I dont even think I NEED them plucked. I just do it. Whatever.

~ Those jeans? Yeah.. I wore them already.. like 3 times.. But, whatever. Laundry is overrated.

~I typically dont shower on Sundays. (Caviat: I ALWAYS do if I smell like a bar from Sat night). I feel like it's my day off and I don't have to shower. Let the funk build. It's hot.

~My fridge is full of leftovers and take out. I'm a bachelor(ette), but you Miiiiiiight think I was a guy if you saw my fridge.

~ I'd often rather watch an MTV marathon than do ANYTHING else.. when I say anything else, I mean return phone calls, emails, etc.. It's sad actually.

~ I watch VH1 in the mornings.. the music videos... and often dance around while brushing my teeth, etc.. If a guy stays over, I watch the today show.. if anything at all.. LOL! Whatever. Dancing around isnt as fun when someone else is there!

Yeah, so you've got it.. You've got the SSB.. What's yours? I didnt have time to account for ALL mine, but there it is...

~BB

Now.. back back back back it up....

Yeah, so quoting a rap song... not so profound, but deal. I, BB, am Sicky McSickerson..and in that.. am sliiiiiightly Cranky McCrankerson, too...

Have you ever been with someone that knows WHAT to say, but just doesnt "bring it?" I mean.. I could give a rat's ass if you SAY you're romantic if I never SEE it...Oh, you're thoughtful? Well..that's just special. Prove it. I mean.. the way I see it..

words=hook
actions=line
Actions PLUS time= sinker

It's not hard.. and if you know WHAT to say.. then you shouldn't have a problem DOING it, right? Hmm...

This post is more just reflecting on human nature.. We know what we SHOULD do...in life, in love.. but often just. dont.

Is this laziness? Is it that the hustle and bustle of today doesnt allow the time we NEED to devote to what we WANT to? Is it fear of knowing what to SAY, but not knowing how exactly to accomplish the task?? Who knows...

All I know is.. if he says it...he'd better be ready for some follow-through... or else I'll back back back back it up all the way to that other guy...
~BB

no, i will not make out with you!

aka, friends with benefits, revisited.

I am in a weird mood today. I’ve started like three or four posts, not of which had the oomph I was going for. So here’s a rant. Do enjoy.

ugh. I have a friend. He is hot and brilliant and pretty damn sexy, really. We've known each other for years. When we met, we were both married, but since we're flirts, we flirted. I've been divorced for years now, but his is still in the works. And he's looking for some action.

previously, after having to grip the swinging-lock-thing on the door in order to anchor myself to reality so as not to get swept away and up the stairs by the kissing I couldn't quite make stop, I told him off. I didn't take his calls, and if I did respond to a text message it was to politely decline. "I'm not looking for anything incredibly serious right now, but I want there to be a possibility of it," I explained to him. And I'd clarified because he'd explained to me that he thought I was hot and was interested in me, but wouldn’t make a good boyfriend right now, and was really just looking for a fuckbuddy. And as a semi-recently singled, known-to-him smart girl that he found attractive, I fit the bill for his "type", y’see. For clarification: this information was divulged 1) after a couple of beers and 2) during the kissing, which was so good I was barely able to stop.

Anyhoo. Flash forward to just before now-ish. That was a few months ago, in 2006. and now we’re almost through March.

So I finally decided that since it had been months since the last time I saw him, and hoping he’d take the hint, I agreed to hang out with him again. And boy, was that a mistake. I explained to him that I’m not just looking for someone to make out with—that I am not just dating to date. It doesn’t have to turn into something serious, but there has to be a real possibility or it’s just not worth it to me. It’s how Foxy’s brain works. He explains that I “don’t have to make out with him if I don’t want to” (DUH!) and that he is actually interested in me, that he really likes me, that he would want to consider being "more." I don’t know what to think of this, and I try to move on, y’know, like you do.

So fast forward (or rewind, depending on your point of view) to yesterday. YESTERDAY. I email to ask him a doctorly question (the name of something—he’s a med school student) and this was the first time we’d spoken since. It’s been faaar too long for him to have any hope with me now, not like he had much of one in the first place, anyway. Ignoring a girl is a sure-fire way to make her not interested anymore, dontchaknow? But then. THEN. He has the gall to basically explain to me that he’d like to be—get this—friends with benefits, but semi-exclusive, and he wasn’t interested in a non-sexual dating relationship.

Hello Foxy, this is disease, emotional trauma and complications calling, we’d like to cause you distress.

grrr.

I don’t understand how he, or any guy for that matter, can have this viewpoint. I mean, sure, any dating relationship could technically be called friends with benefits—if you boil it down in either case it’s often still two people getting their rocks off, flirting, etc. But one has emotion and a path, and the other doesn’t. And in my book it’s okay to date around and kiss and have some good old fashioned fun—for a while. But what, exactly, is semi-exclusive, could you explain, please? And why would I want to agree to it? And it made me think of the feller who commented on this post about how “I can't promise you'll end up with me as a boyfriend if we get naked but I can promise you won't if we don't.” I mean, there comes a point or whatever, but REALLY?

boggles. my. mind.

So, if you’re a guy like that, if you think like either of those two guys do, you’ve got another thing coming. Just giving you a friendly heads up. And maybe my middle finger too, just for good measure. 'cause you? you're an asshat.

~foxysavant

Fighting our own fights

Many things make us smart and single gals. One is we are single, or at least have a plethora of singledom experiences to share with the masses. The other is we are smart, meaning independent, intelligent, witty, charming and a whole bucket load of adjectives. This is a post dealing more with the smartness than with the singleness.

When faced with a less than pleasant situation, we must rely on ourselves defend our points and make our arguments.

We must be our own army and fight our own fights.

Sometimes this means meeting face on the bitchface that made out with our ex and now is going to be at a function.

Sometimes this means dealing with the jerkface who is trying to rip you off as he sells you a car. (Though I found, if you randomly start to cry in the middle of car negotiations they will knock off $500 and throw in new carpet mats)

Sometimes this means dealing with the situation I currently at hand.

Though it is definitely a trying time for me, and I would love to have some other source of strength standing beside me, holding my hand through all this, I am in a small way glad I get to deal with this on my own. I get to really witness how strong of a woman I have become. Can I stand up for myself, defend myself and be happy with whatever outcome happens, knowing I did my best. Can I verbalize exactly what I feel and express, in the most dignified of means, my side of an argument.

I do not like conflict. I grew up in a household that wouldn’t take anything to seriously. I only got into a handful of legitimate fights with my parents, mostly resulting in crazy hippie punishments like hugging trees, planting flowers, or forced meditation. This is not to say I was raised to have opinions and not be afraid to voice them.

So, even though I don’t have a boyfriend, and this is more guy friend trouble than guy trouble, it still takes a smart and single girl to get through, head still high, knowing I am capable of defending myself.

- tso, the 'smart' one

"I'm just some swooning little school girl, right?"

Buffy, the Vampire Slayer said that. And while she said it in sarcasm and jest, it's actually kinda exactly what we she (and most ladies) want to be. A swooning little school girl. It's a tricky business though. You've gotta do just enough to make her knees weak and her heart beat a little faster...

swoon: to be overwhelmed by ecstatic joy. it's amazing, really. marvelous. and wow.

really? it's not that complicated. and just thinking about them makes me flutter a little.

in my order of preference, saving the best for last, the top ones are:

touching the small of our back.
some girls don't like this, but I just can't understand. (I guess maybe they're the type who likes it when a guy leads them around by the neck, right? god I can't stand that) but there's something so delicate and wonderful about gently directing us with a light touch on the small of our back. or standing next to us and putting your arm there. it's almost respectful or something. mmmmm.

looking at us when you think we can't see you.
it is always nice to be checked out. always. it is especially nice when we realize you're checking us out, and you think we don't know. it likely makes us blush. i'm not talking about staring at boobs here, but maybe you see us reading, or typing or driving or even sleeping (but you've gotta be in an actual relationship for this one), and you can't help but admire. we like this. a lot.

linking our arm in yours.
there is something about this little manuever that is a whole lot better than holding hands, particularly if you're walking. it means you keep pace, and no one is in the lead. and it shows us you want us right by your side without our having to be one of those awkward couples with our hands in each other's back pockets. it's more formal, too. and that's probably part of what makes it so nice, that even though we're both in regular old clothes, you're treating me like I'm all fancy. this always makes me smile.

the forehead kiss.

this is far more important than you probably realize. it says a WHOLE lot so use it sparingly. if done correctly, it produces the divine combination of feeling liked and loved and important and beautiful and safe. and it makes us smile. all that with just a peck! (if done incorrectly, it makes you feel like you're twelve or immature, so watch out!) but a good forehead kiss? sometimes worlds apart from a good REAL kiss. if you've ever had a good forehead kiss you know exactly what I'm talking about, and guys, if you've ever given one, I know you could tell. think about how awesome you men feel when a kiss on the cheek is just perfect. now multiply it by ten. :)

you do these things? you better mean business. they might not make the girl fall for you, but they'll definitely do a little feet-sweeping, methinks. but only if you do 'em right. that's the catch. wrong? she'll wig out, it's how we females tend to roll.

it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy just to *think* about how great these things are.

~foxysavant

Ready for it to hit the fan?

Bitchy chicks. We all know em.. Hell, we all can be em..

In reference to my last post about the x-friend inviting and flying Make Out Mistress here for the formal next weekend....

Just went to facebook. Saw my x friend's status was "ready for it to hit the fan" posted the SAME. DAY. the chick booked her ticket (as reflected by a comment on her page)

*laughs*

Where I was nervous before, I am pumped now. People that underestimate me as a smart, single, successful, sassy.. okay.. done with the s words.. but seriously.. when people underestimate me, it really kinda fuels me. I should leave well enough alone.. but...I almost get a kick out of it. I think it's b/c I'm charming (or so I've been told) , classy, and prefer to keep things behind closed doors. In that, sometimes people dont think I can "bring it" so to speak. Where I used to HATE that, I've matured, grown.. and now absolutely LOVE it...b/c I LURVE being underestimated....makes people not see what's coming...very sneak attack if you will...LOL!! I choose my battles carefully... no worries...;)

Anyway, I won't cause drama.. as said before, I'm classy. I don't do in-your-face-confrontation over something stupid like this. However, as all of you-as classy girls on this blog- will understand, we don't have to air our dirty laundry just to wash it so to speak. This isn't about Mr. Ex. This isn't about the Make Out Mistress. This is about having a damn good time not being underestimated.

*Sneering confidently*

Cheers!!
~BB

steppin' to the music I hear, however measured or far away...

ah, Mister Thoreau. betcha never thought your profundity would apply to dating, huh?

so, last night I heard about the forty-eight hour rule. y'know, where the guy waits two days after a date to call you.

And we've heard of the do/don't kiss/makeout/have sex on the first date rule.

Or about how it is/isn't okay to do this/that until this certain time or after.

I know girls who won't sleep with a guy until they've had at least three dates. Sometimes five. Guys who always cook her dinner for the third date. People who intentionally wait until a certain number of hours have passed until they return a call--usually days.

Who comes up with these things??? Do they vary by regions? Do the people who establish them even GET dates?

and it really burns mah grits. (hello, foxy, this is "the south" calling. we'd like to officially welcome you to our ranks. you've passed the phrase test.) [dammit.]

I guess I just don't understand. Because I don't think dating and relationships can be that formulaic. And I would know--I've got a degree in formulas, and I'm kinda a HUGE perfectionist to boot. And who's to say that if you felt like doing ______ on date 3 with Billy Bob over here then you're going to feel like doing _____ on the 3rd date with Johnny Jay when you and Billy are over? I mean, if it's setting limits for yourself because otherwise you'll feel like a whore or whatever, then I guess I get it. And I see that calling someone new every damn day could be a good way to make them want to not talk to you anymore--unless it's clear it's okay, that's called smothering, folks. Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls!

I think this is also getting to me because so many of my friends are trying to live vicariously through me, as far as the dating scene is concerned. They're all coupled, right? And apparently I'm having a hell of a lot of luck in this whole dating department--well, if you call luck getting lots of dates with cute guys. (personally, being lucky in dating seems like it should end in a good relationship, but let's not mince words, eh?)

and I keep getting all sorts of advice/suggestions/questions. Some of it, I like. For instance, when people confirm what I'm thinking. Some of it, I appreciate. For instance, perspective, insight, etc. And some of it makes me batty. Have you done this yet? What, you haven't?!? Won't he expect...?! Oh, you're going to call him back now? Are you sure you want to do that?

icks.

So instead, I say, begone, tacky methodologies of dating schedules, farewell to the rules and regulations! I am not a person who needs to be bogged down by some antiquated system that is only (albeit nebulously) in place for those who need the help. Foxy will adhere no more!

I'll just go at my own pace, in my own way and do my own thing. And if I do/don't wanna call/kiss/make out/have sex I will/won't if I do/don't feel like it! Besides, I want a guy who likes me for me (not because I hang with leonardo) and how's he gonna do that if I play with someone else's rules?

[shrugs]

next step: eliminate slashes from my vocabulary. i'm indecisive, and all these options are killing me. ;)

~foxysavant

Here comes trouble....

Black tie optional. Drama likely. Events as follows:

Stage 1: Going to formal with Mr. Ex next weekend. Looking for a pretty dress. Hoping there's no drama. Excited to hang with friends at the event.

Stage 2: Going to formal with Mr. Ex next weekend. Friend is now taking mutual friend of Mr. Myspace and myself. Looking for pretty dress. Hoping there's no drama. Nervous.

Stage 3: Going to formal with Mr. Ex next weekend. Remember Ms. Make Out from the photos posted a week after the Mr. Ex breakup?? Remember?? Well, here's the link just in case. My ex-friend who posted those photos thought it to be a good idea to fly this Make Out Mistress out here.. for the formal. Looking for a HOT dress. Realizing there will definitely be drama. *sigh*

While I seem to somehow get thrust into drama.. or maybe I thrust myself sometimes.. I hate it. I actually turn completely off to it and act as thought it isn't there. I plan on dancing, having a great time, and having lots. of. wine.

The life of a social single girl can be so stressful. ;)

~BB

it's not just a bad hair day.

so, if I'd been writing this blog about, oh, six months or a year ago, I totally would have told you about Mr. TDaH (tall dark and handsome, don't you know), one of the good-looking Michigan guys I know. We work together. And before I even knew his name my soon-to-be-engaged friend and I would refer to him as “man candy.” Since then we’ve spoken quite a few times, and last time I checked he had a girlfriend who lives in Virginia, and perhaps he still does.

but that is not the concern at hand.

recently, I've been trying this new thing. it's called not-washing-my-hair-everyday. before you are icked out and back away slowly, realize I usually do this on days where all I'm doing is going to work (okay and choir) and I don't have to look extra cute for anything. it allows me to sleep later and really, it's not horrid. it's just not nearly as cute.

today, however, is an exception.

my hair and me? we got in an arguement, y'see. and it won. but I told it! I put it in a ponytail and pinned my bangs back. ha! it looks like crap, but it's work-able (good pun, foxy!). such is life, right?

okay so anyway. Back to Mr. TDaH? The man candy. He's not too buff or too tall or too pretty. And he's definitely funny and interesting and I like talking to him. It sounds like I want to date him, but I really don't (dating people from work is awk-ward!). I just don't want to look like hell when he's around. I'm sure you have someone like that, right?

and of course...he's been away for four months doing contract work through our company. he sent me an email yesterday about playing on a softball team. But that didn’t mean anything—he’s emailed me from the places he travels…and we haven't talked in person since, oh, october? we don't even work in the same building anymore! and today, the second time in probably my entire life that I've gone to work without washing my hair is the day that TDaH stops by to chit chat.

word on the street is that girls are prettiest when they're not all "done up"--like when they've still got bedhead and they don't have any makeup on. and I could see that--but such is not the case for foxy's look today.

so, um, if you wanna take me out on a date, I really might be busy. y'know, washing my hair...

~foxysavant

or so I hear.

as luck would have it, I, Foxy the Single, live in one of the top ten places to be a single.

where it falls, exactly, depends on who you ask, but it's consistently on forbes' top ten list. right now they say we're #6. Others place it at #4.

I find this laughable. Because my neck o' the woods is only any good if you're a gal, 'cause it's oh-so-politely termed a "sausage fest." And for the most part, the singles here are missing teeth, manners or personalities. And sometimes all three. It seems that the only guys who have bought me a drink have been my friends, friends of friends, or didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting my number. (probably because of them being old enough to be my father? maybe that was it...maybe)

this is going to make me chuckle all day long.

~foxysavant

Let's talk about sex ba.by.

Ladies, all the ladies, louder now, help me out. Come on, all the ladies - let's talk about sex, all right...

We've all tried it.. some successfully, some not so successfully.. Telephonic gratification.. or phone sex if you will.. We can even lump instant messenger/email foreplay into it...I'm in an anti-blushing mood today, so I figured I wouldn't waste it and decided to post about sex. So......

There really is an array.. a menu if you will... of which to select option...Please order when ready.

(1) Text sex. This is a good "starter" option for the less experienced. "What are you wearing" usually starts the convo.. or even "I want you." That's a good opener. This option can be utilized at a bar when he's not there and you've had too much to drink, at work where you just feel like being playful, or really anywhere.... That's what makes it fun. Versatile, nonverbal, safe sex..text style.
(2) The actual get on the phone...usually late at night....flirty leads to dirty. Yeah. Whether you go through with it or just play it up like you are, this option is not for the faint of heart. You have to actually participate...not just sit there and breath heavy like you may have asthma. Just sayin, if you're ready for this, you have to bring it. haha.
(3) Email/Instant messenger. Use contractions and don't write like you're writing a damn memorandum at work. The whole "I cannot wait until I see you later. We shall participate in sexual activities." hahaah. Okay, maybe its not that bad.. but still. This is kinda "iffy" if you dont like having evidence of your intimacy.. lol! Emails can come back and bite ya..

When guys need instruction. Funny moments that aren't so sexy.
(1) If you're having the text sex-ness, TEXT BACK IMMEDIATELY. Sheez! We're chicks.. You bore us or keep us waiting and the game is over for us. Seriously. Be creative and use the fingers God gave you to type... damnit! Plus, if you're not typing back we wonder what you're doing.. and well.. that might gross us out. I mean.. it's a TEXT MESSAGE for crying out loud.. Get a hold of yourself, man!

(2) If you having the phone sex-ness, be descriptive. We all know you'd be good with "and then I took of your clothes. and then we screwed on the sofa. done." Really though.. we're girls.. we need more. We need the story from beginning to end. We need romance.

(3) ...which leads to another point, DONT. JUMP. AROUND. What is it with the guys that think it's okay to say "I kissed you in the shower... "then we were in the car.." I'm sitting there thinking "Um.. am I supposed to think it's hot that we just transitioned from the shower to the car?! Did I put on clothes in between? Your fantasy is confusing me. I'm bored." My A.D.D. starts kicking in....and I'm up getting a glass of water and faking the "uh huh.. oh.. definitelys" hahaha.. Tell a story. Don't skip chapters. *sigh*

(4) Did men miss the boat when it comes to understanding we dont wanna hear "boy words?" C'mon.. you know what I'm talking about.. I'm sittin there thinking "Yeah, Ill get outta my element a little for some excitement.. WHOA..why'd you say THAT?! EW.." It's like they started talking to a porn star. That's. Not. Hot. You didn't dial 1-900.. you called your GIRLFRIEND! Sheez. lol!

I sound like I'm going for expert status or I do this all the time. I assure you neither is the case... but I'm not uncomfortable talking about the information I've collected through stories with girlfriends and previous experience.. It's useful. It's funny.. and damnit it's true! hahaha! Keepin things alive is healthy...and if you cant laugh at yourself or your experiences, what's the point anyway, right?! :)

I feel so Oz and his girlfriend from American Pie 2.. haha... Dirty dialing 101 on this Wednesday..
~BB

4th date*

cha cha cha







*hanging out at his friend's place watching "my susper sweet sixteen" marathon, but still.


- the super excited one

foxtrot uniform november

please excuse me while I am momentarily full of myself, but I've gotta tell someone, and if you keep reading, you're it.

consider yourself warned....

sometimes being talked about behind your back is miserable. it hurts and is upsetting. but sometimes, finding out about it is a really good part of your day. it's really quite f-u-n. especially when you were the talk of the night after leaving the party...and the party was full of a bunch of frat hunks most of whom you probably wouldn't want to date but might want to just look at and drool over... :D

I think we need to add another thing to brainy's list. it is totally okay to REALLY like the attention. I know I do.

~foxysavant

The right place for "it"

Snippit from last night's over an hour convo with Mr. Myspace:

Him: "I really want to understand you better" (nice)
Me: "You dont have to understand me." (bitchy)
Him: "I know. But, I'd really like to." (nice)
Me: "Well.. I'm just saying you dont have to." (bitchy)

...more conversating...

Me: "I'm sorry...I'm just frustrated"
Him: "You can just SAY you're frustrated instead of being in this mood."
Me: (insulted) "Well.. I didnt KNOW I was frustrated until I started talking." SHEEZ! Men!

I really did kinda push him into getting frustrated with me.. I mean.. I totally got my way in that regard by the end of the conversation. It really is just throwing out the subconscious bait until he bites and says something I can run with. This, my friends, REALLY IS subconscious despite the way it sounds. I am not TRYING to bait him into it..I'm really not.. I am just so frustrated that I dont know how to communicate and decide being difficult fits my mood. Mature? Likely not. Whatever. I'm expressive...and when I dont know HOW to be, I kinda act out a little.. *sigh*

What provoked this not-really-argument/frustration? I have no idea. I am not the only one who does this, am I?

Yeah, didn't think so. Afterall, we ARE women.

I had the longest. day. ever. and didn't really want to talk about it b/c it somewhat involved Mr. Ex. By the end of the day, my frustrations were wrapped up into one big ball just bursting out of my 5 foot 7 inch frame. Yeah. Totally. Maybe I should have just gone to the gym. Nah..I was too tired for that. :) I was more interested in mental sparring.

So, here's my ultimate deal. I really like Mr. Myspace, but hate being so damn not-in-the-right-place for it. Plus, I hate that HE'S not in the right place for it, either. I know that sounds dumb.. b/c really it IS the best thing since neither of us are "in the right place for it." I get it. I get it. But, the fact of the matter is.. I am TERRIFIED of being in the right place for it in the event he never gets to the right place for it. *sigh* This. isnt. making. sense. hahahaha! Maybe it is. I mean..I sound retarded if I explain THAT to him b/c it sounds like I want HIM to be all about it right now.. which in reality, I DONT WANT AT ALL b/c I'm not there EITHER.

BUT, what if I "get there" and he's still "not there" or what if he NEVER gets there? Here I am putting the cart in front of the horse..and I'm not talking long term.. but more just talking falling for someone AGAIN who in turn throws the phrases AGAIN "I dont know what I want right now" or "Sorry.. Im just confused" back in my wee little heart. It's like I'm doing preventative damage control. I think what REALLY bothers me more than the whole "sorry I dont know what I want right now" is it is inevitably followed by "I want YOU and Im NOT confused. Sorry I put you through that." (Case in point.. Mr Ex lately...and the Mr. Ex before him) We all have our baggage. That's mine. I would rather be a cat lady than deal with hearing that damn phrase of "I dont know what I want right now" ONE. MORE. TIME. b/c I KNOW what's coming in a matter of a month...after I'm moving on.. and repairing damage... it's the "YAY! I'm not an assclown! Be with me!!" Um. no.

That, my friends, is what spawned my little attitude problem last night. I get frustrated b/c it makes so much sense TO MEEEEEEE, but boys are a different animal and I am also way better with writing than with speaking. I make lots of noises when speaking in order to replace words.. Lots of "grrr" and "sigh" and "hmph" noises..Who understands THAT? Not me sometimes. LOL! Plus, I really dont think I WANT to talk about it. It's how I FEEL and I dont see that talking about it will make a difference. There will be lots of "what do you wants" and stuff. I HAVE NO IDEA what that is.. I really just wanna play it by ear. Sometimes it takes me getting royally frustrated in order to just play it by ear. Its like I have to release all the frustrated/worried/confused energy or something.. I'm a weirdo. Officially.

~BB

3rd times the charm...

I don’t often post, because really I don’t often have anything to post about. Oh, today I ordered a 10ft map of Duluth. Yesterday I did a Kathy Smith body sculpting video. Friday I – oh wait, Friday I went over to Mr. Date’s apartment and finished watching a movie we had started.

Huzzah.

3rd date. Even I am amazed.

But now comes the awkward part in any just off the ground, fledging, not even a relationship, courtship relationship of sorts. The first date was planned. The 2nd date was planned. The 3rd a bit more spontaneous. Now it is as if I’m waiting to see I will get a 4th date.

Not that I doubt my amazingness (I’m pretty amazing) or in any way feel insecure (okay, maybe a teeny bit) it’s just an unstable bridge I am stepping on, and the uncertainly that lies ahead.

Its exciting and nerve wrecking and makes me feel nauseous. This build up is the fun part.

No idea where this post is going. More just a place for me to be girly and excited. Thank you for the indulgence.

Here's your sign...

Yeah.. okay.. so I have a theory.. Ready.. I feel that people should have to wear t shirts to bars.. t shirts or stickers or hats or something.. that say exactly what place they're in.. or what issues they have. Their ex's get to make the shirt for them.. well.. this could be problematic for the less than mature people..but bear with me on the concept...

But, hey.. picture it.. I'm at a bar.. I spot a hottie.. I see that his shirt says "Mama's boy and commitment phobe"

I stop. I ponder. Nah, I dont need a mama's boy or a commitment phobe. Moving on.

I see someone that says "not looking for something serious"

I stop. I ponder. I think.. yeah... could be good for conversation. I approach. However, I dont get too close and bail after a few laughs and a cocktail... b/c really.. who wants to fall for someone not looking for something serious...

Better yet.. what about "I've cheated on my past 5 girlfriends" Yeah.. I'd stay away.. but who wouldn't right? Well.. I know some who wouldnt but thats for another blog.

Or.. "I'm not over my ex girlfriend" This could be hum dinger.. I mean.. a challenge for some.. a barrier to many.. Hmmm.. I think I'd approach this one.. but just to see what I was up against ;)

Wonder what my shirt would say.. I think I just want it to say "brainy blonde...bores easily" haha! Teasing... ;)

~BrainyBlonde

Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due...

Judging current relationships based upon past experiences.. We all do it, right? However, there is a definite push and pull balancing act that occurs. It really is a case of how to use the experience you've got..

I'm 25. I'm not a guru of relationship truths at 25. However, I think I have learned a valuable lesson in my wise old age... Using a past relationship as experience is smart. Using it as a comparison/weighing tool is absolutely proposterous. The balancing act can be hard to achieve, though. I mean.. when you know you're not just leaning on your past as pure experience and instead stepping into the realm of placing too much emphasis on a friggin relationship that DIDNT. WORK. So your ex was a complete and utter assclown.. Okay.. I'm with ya.. use that, build from it.. Dont put up with it again. However, does that mean you should avoid any and everyone that might chew their food the same way your ex did b/c that means they too will be an utter assclown?! No. Pickin up what I'm puttin down, people? Yeah. I think ya are.

It's a tough road.. It really is. I just cannot STAND it when I see friends picking apart someone just b/c he MIGHT have SOMETHING similar to an ex.. I mean.. giving your ex the credit to affect your future relationships is giving your ex more credit than he deserves. My opinion. I don't know much.. and I often misuse the experience I have...often ignore things I shouldn't and weigh in on things I also shouldn't.. However... I'm conscious of it.. at least I try to be. That doesn't mean it's not hard.. b/c who wants to get hurt again by the same crap they endured in a previous relationship?!! Not me. Just sayin...making the effort to give credit where it's due is monumental. Failed relationships are exactly that. Failed. Use it. Learn from it. Move on.

~BB

beating the odds.

so. this is one of the times that I really wish I knew how to calculate the odds. I mean, I know what the chances are that in a bag of eleven marbles, where three are green, four are yellow, one is orange, one is pink and two are blue, you'll pull out a green one. but it's not quite that easy this time...

a good friend of mine and I both became single at the about the same time. we thought it was rather amusing that she dated a string of guys whose names began with "B" while I happened to meet a bunch of guys whose names began with "K." Odd, to be sure. And quite the joke amongst my close friends, lemme tell you.

and then she went to the rhyming names. brian, ryan, ian (pronounced eye-an, not ee-an).

so what do you think the odds are that one of us has been asked on a date by two guys with the same name, huh?

pretty weird, methinks. either that or we're losing our marbles... ;)

~foxysavant

Listing...

Hey, it's okay in my book...

~ to really not like condoms ( I didnt say not USE them.. but not like them)
~ to let him buy you a drink...even though you dont plan on talking to him for more than five minutes...
~ to be smart, single, and career minded...but have tons of admiration for stay at home moms. Seriously.
~ to wonder what it would have been like with that one guy....then quickly say "whew"
~ to make out. at a bar. not a bar where your friends or anyone you really KNOW frequents. but it can happen. dont feel bad.
~ to say dirty, dirty things when under the influence of alcohol...or sometimes not.. haha..
~ to like to be treated like a lady.. with chivalry.... (like how Foxy references below though.. not over the top)
~ to be selfish with the orgasms. yeah, i said it. Giver...taker...whatever.. GET YOURS!! haha!!!
~ to really use the term "dating" as DATING..and not "relationship" sheez!!
~ to think about what your kids might look like...
~ to dance shamelessly with that one guy.. ya know.. that ONE guy that ya probably shouldn't be dancing with...
~ to not make excuses to anyone

Yeah. That's what I think.
~BB

walking the very fine line between knight in shining armor and assclown.

so, if you're reading a blog about dating, chances are you know about chivalry--you're either on the giving or recieving end. and chances are you love it or it bugs the hell out of you.

me? I'm a smart, independent, liberal, feminist woman-in-a-man's world. And I eat it up.

But that's not to say ALL chivalry is good chivalry. Sometimes? Damn annoying.

Oh sure, there are parts of it I love. Like how a guy walks on the street side--and switches sides to make sure he's where he should be. Or how he opens doors for you. It might sound funny, but one of my very favorite things? When I, Foxy the Independent, reach to open a door, and the guy reaches in front of me to get it. I'm a not a stand and wait and tap my foot kind of girl, and I am totally capable of opening that door myself. But still? Awesome. And I like it when you ask me on the date, and when you pick me up (as long as I have some kind of a character reference or I know you) and how you introduce me to your friends.

But on the other hand? It can be ri-damn-diculous. Like the guy who insists that he push in your chair. At a place like a Wendy's. I mean, I'm all about the very kind chair-push-in, but sometimes? Not called for. And if you're going dutch and sharing ketchup? Completely unnecessary. You should probably open the door for me when we get to our car, but if I'm driving and it's got automatic locks, don't walk around to open my door--just smile at me real pretty when we're both in it, okay?

I'm pretty much never gonna make a guy put his jacket on a puddle so I can walk over it, but I might let him pick me up so I don't ruin my three inch heels. And I might make you insist before I take that jacket if it's cold outside--but seriously? Despite my protesting I secretly think it's wonderful. I'll even let you pump my gas while I sit and wait--even in my car and even if you're the one driving it--but be sure I'll check you out while you do it. And make sure you know I appreciate how gallant you are.

the important thing is to temper it--you can very easily go far too far, but it's easy too to slack. like how at some point in the relationship guys stop opening the car door for their lady. mostly unacceptable. (especially if they're all gussied up) but realize it's not the 1950s either. Bobby-socked, Sweater-setted Foxy doesn't need you to help her with her jacket every time, thankyouverymuch.

And sometimes, people mistake chivalry for male superiority. Such is not the case--or at least it shouldn't be. Equality and chivalry can co-exist. And if you do it right, they will. And everyone will benefit from it, I promise. Tell you guys what--you open doors, offer jackets and go buy me a drink while I chill at the table, and we women will endure labor, okay? Sounds like a pretty fair trade to me. ;)

also, some articles (1, 2, 3) I found by goodsearching chivalry is dead. people really have opinions on this. what's yours?

~foxysavant

little miss.

so, I'm really surprised I never caught this before--but remember Mr. Men and Little Miss? Yeah. So think about that whole Mr. vs. Mrs. / Ms. / Miss debate? bad news bears, indeed.

but despite the sexist nature of the use of the word "Men" and "Little", they're still cute. so moving on...

when I was little I really liked Little Miss Chatterbox, Sunshine, Bossy and Brainy. Now I'm more of a Giggles, Fickle, Stubborn, Late, Scatterbrain, Splendid, Brilliant and Lucky. Well, with the old parts too. But really, they've not got a Little Miss that's me. Because really, I think I'm

Little Miss Cautious

She'd have on very cute glasses and a bit of a smirk, but be putting her hand to her mouth in thought. She's considering. She's thinking. She's weighing her options. And she always carries a coat, an umbrella, kleenex and mints, just incase. Like Little Miss Brainy, but with glasses. And pigtails. 'cause I hear those are sexy-cute.
I'm a careful gal. I'm chary and reluctant and I do what's prudent--and do so gingerly. I think before I act and I have a bazillion poorly defined rules for myself. They're there due to necessity, and some kind of only-understood-by-foxy rules apply to everything in my life, not just romance. But sometimes I wish I could break out of this box. Y'see, in a lot of accounts, I break the rules, or at least bend/stretch them--I can justify letting myself do whatever I want when it comes to my art, my friends, my social activities, my intellectual pursuits. But if, say, I wanna be a patent lawyer or go get my PhD in engineering or become and astronaut or a marine biologist, that makes sense. And having friends? Completely necessary. And expressing my creativity? Damn skippy!

But romance? Yeah, it's not required. It's not completely necessary. It not a "have to." And sometimes it's not even a want. Who wants to get involved in matters of the heart when all the other times have hurt so much? It's not that I'm jaded, it's not that I don't enjoy kisses and that I don't someday want a family and a husband and all that. (though, it should be noted, I'm having a hell of a lot of fun being a smart and single gal. it. is. a. blast. sometimes messy, sometimes complicated, but overall? f-u-n.) But it's that I don't have to. I get to opt. So I'm cautious. It's like how Brainy freaks out? I go slow. Like a snail slow. Because it's good.

Sometimes though? I don't wanna be Little Miss Cautious. I wanna be Little Miss Fun. See, isn't she cute?

except, y'know, with glasses. 'cause I look cute in my glasses. :)

Or better still, little Miss Exuberant. Little Miss Free-Spirit. or Little Miss Fabulous.

how does one become both? Can I "turn off my brain" and still be cautious? Weigh my options without getting carried away? Or get carried away but only justenough? It is freakishly weird to be like this, or is this completely normal? Foxy, she overanalyzes. And speaks in pseudo-third-person. ;)

bleh. sometimes I think it would be easier if I were a guy. 'course, there are many other complications that go with that--but I'm just sayin'....

~foxysavant

But, is he witty....

I'll admit it. I have my dense days.. my days when I'm not so "brainyblonde" but more just..well.. blonde. However, for the most part, I'm a witty beeotch. I consider myself pretty damn versatile actually with the wit-serious combo.. but whatever. Anyway, I cannot STAND it when wit seems to fly over an otherwise-intelligent guy's head. This seems to be the case lately with Mr. Safe. AGH!!! I mean.. it's just weird to think I actually THOUGHT about dating the guy...For example.. our recent intant message:

Me: How was the concert?
Him: Okay, the opening was bad, though
Me: I dont ever go for the opening. I just drink til the real band comes on. haha.
Him: I dont want to miss anything
Me: "(insert music) I dont wanna cloooooose my eyes.. I dont wanna fall asleeeeep." lol!
Him: What?
Me: The song. "I dont wanna miss a thing."
Him: I dont get it.
Me: (getting frustrated) Nevermind. It was that you didnt want to miss anything, you said.
Him: When?
Me: Omg.. about the concert. NEVERMIND.
Him: Oh, I understand. haha.
Me: (Stopped typing b/c I feel he deserves some sort of Chinese water torture for being so dense.. and I cant really SAY that..so I just sit and stare at the screen.. *sigh*)

What. just. happened. *sigh* haha. :)
~BB

I'm so excited.....

Blogger isnt a fan of the spacing today.. So, sorry it looks crazaaaay!

haha.. Remember Saved by the Bell? Ya know.. the one before Jessie became a stripper on Showgirls? Yeah.. I think her most famous line applies to relationships.. especially mine... *sigh* What is it that makes the "scared" kick in necessarily? For some, it's the fear of ACTUALLY having something worth keeping, I suppose. If that's indeed what we're looking for, why retreat when it gets "too real?" We both do it.. girls and guys... At least I do. sometimes.

This is so blogging in the abstract today, not really a reflection of what's going on with anything currently...at least in depth. In reality, the people I've dated that get "scared," get scared b/c I AM the type of girl they could bring home to mom. I AM the type of person who sticks beside someone when the going gets tough. I could keep going, but damnit.. I guess those things make me scary (insert shivering with fear) Why aren't they scared of the slutty girls that could give them STDs?? Damn, that's who I'D be scared of.. lol!

*laughs*

Just reflecting on my past a little...and also bringing in a little of MY dating fears.. The random, fun, I-havent-fallen-for-you is something I do pretty well.. b/c I keep walls up (as we have discussed at length..haha) However, the falling for someone is less scary for ME regarding something working out..

Dont get me wrong, it IS scary..

But I think I'm MORE scared of going through the whole HIM getting scared again. Ya know.. the whole thing where he bails from fear.. only to come back again when I'm trying to move on and he's "worked it all out" in his head.. Yeah, great for you, assclown. *growl* Way to figure it all out when you've thrown me through 15 different hoops. GRrrrr!! Okay, okay.. maybe I AM going through that a little right now.. but, I'm not only going through it and all it's confusion, but also kinda freaking about getting involved with someone DIFFERENT where it could happen again....*sigh* I know you've gotta take risks, right?

I think the best part is, these freaker-outers NEVER ask me anything when they START the freak out. I mean.. if they'd ask, they'd likely figure out I'm just as confused, freaked, whatever as THEY are!! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH. I feel like SOME of my ex's have made me feel like I was practically chasing them in a wedding gown.. when in fact, I was in NO place to settle down. I just liked being with them. All in all, we tend to project our own fear onto those we date sometimes, I guess...Like everything, I blame this on my 20s. I am so screwed when I turn 30 and this shit is still going on.. hahaha!

Thanks, Jessie Spano, for your inspiration today. *sigh*

~BB

unrequited like.

I'm getting a little in-over-my-head. I was going to elaborate, but I think that explains it all.

and no, this isn't directed at anyone in particular, I'm not passive-aggressive like that, thankyouverymuch.

but I've been having two types of problems recently.
1. boys, boys, everywhere...and some of 'em are most certainly tall drinks of water.
2. I don't always want what they got. even if they got it and got it good. I'm flibbertigibbety like that.

but here's why item 2 makes sense--after talking to a guy friend of mine last night the full ramifications of my potential upcoming decision hit home. y'see, in six months or less I will likely be living in a different state. an eight hour drive away. and busy as all get out. going to grad and law school can do that to you. damn foxy and her over-achiever-ness.

but on the flip side of that moving far-far-away coin, I am also ready for a relationship--well, sorta. I think honestly I'm ready for the beginning of a relationship. A potential for a relationship. Not a friend with benefits, not someone to buy me flowers, not a head-over-heels love. I mean, if I want to make out with someone I know I'll have plenty of volunteers, I am capable of buying my own damn flowers if I have to (though they ARE very nice to recieve!) and the last idea makes me simultaneously sigh in happiness and wince in fear.

am I conflicted? probably.
am I okay with that? you bet.

Anyhoo, this guy friend. Well, we were talking and drinking wine and smoking cigars (well, I had a cigar. he had a cigarette), and he asked me what I was going to do. Do I date people? Do I just go "have a good time?" Do I cloister myself? Become a hermit? Become a hook-up-er? Do I risk falling for someone and let their presence cloud/effect/change my judgment and my plans? Do I kiss to kiss? Do I just go it alone?

the answer to all of these is no. except for maybe that cloister thing. ;)

and it's no because it's not fair to me.
and no because one of the meanest things you can do to someone is purposefully perpetuate unrequited like.
and no because no matter how good the kisses are, if there's not feeling (or at least an inkling/possibiltity of it) behind them then they aren't really good at all. not really.
and no because I don't want to be that person.

so for now, I'll do what I want, and I'll go slow. half the beauty of a flower is how each single petal unfolds. you've gotta stop to appreciate and soak in the essence of each part or you won't appreciate the whole nearly enough. I think I can have my cake and eat it too--or at least pursue my interests and have a dating life, of sorts. as long as I'm honest and upfront. and when the time is come, and things should change, I'll know it. and until then, well, I remain affectionately yours, smart-and-single land.

~foxysavant

update

First a story.

When I was in high school, one of my more, shall we say, faster friends (though she was very easy to catch) once mentioned how while at a movie she was torn as to which boy’s hand she wanted to hold. So she let them decide. She ended up watching the entire movie with her hands on her two knees waiting for someone to make a move.

This story allowed me to laugh at how embarrassingly nerve racked I was about my date last night. Of course there was nothing to worry about. In fact, it went really well. No one died. No animals were harmed. I think we were even carbon-neutral. The concert was awesome (minus a terrible all-covers encore). We joked and made fun of people - the best form of bonding. The conversation never lagged, even when we hit our B material. He even asked for another date. I accepted.

So yay me. I survived.
Thanks to everyone for the support.
Sometimes all a girl needs is support from her fellow smart and single support bloggers.


- tso

The first time....

I visited Mr. Myspace!! My plane touched down and my heart was totally still flying with anticipation. I'd already convinced myself going to see him was a bad idea. I mean.... here's about how it sounded in my head: IbarelyknowthisguyandhelivesfarawayandaweekendisalongtimewhatifwedontgetalongOhmygodIcantbreathe...Yeah.. it went about like that but much more jumbled and faster.. haha..

Got to the hotel for the first night (since the airport I flew into was hours away from where he lives). There was this moment.. of feeling.. so.. yeah.. we're at a hotel together... and yeah.. should we like have the sex? I don't know if I want to have the sex.. HOW OLD AM I?!! Sheez.... Should we get a pay per view flick? Should we play a board game? Hell.. maybe we should check myspace.. hahaha... I mean.. what is going on with my LIFE?! haha!

Needless to say, Friday was a bit awkward for me... I don't know if I was taking an overdose of my cynical pills or what.. but I was determined that no matter how cute he looked standing there at the airport (he did) and no matter how amazing his hand felt in mine in the car (it did) and no matter how much we totally laughed, got along, and had a blast (we did), I was in Brainyland..and it was a no trespassing zone. However, Sat was a different story....My cynicism and defenses are at an all time low in the morning. It's prime time for an attack by a wonderful guy like Mr. Myspace. He had totally prepared his arsenal, I might add.. all cuddly and cute.. and sincere..and warm (like physically.. warm.. I dont like to be cold). Yeah, needless to say we stayed in bed awhile. Damn mornings. *sarcastic sigh*

By Sat afternoon, I had turned my back on cynicism and had entered the zone of possibility.. I smile more in this zone. I think he noticed. I assumed neutral ground (hotel) would make me feel more comfortable rather than rushing in to "enemy" territory. Welp, such was not the case. We entered the place Mr. Myspace calls "home" and I felt my defenses totally deflate as we walked through the door. I kept thinking "damnit, Brainy, get it together!!!" haha. Too late...His place reflects who he is..deep down I was really hoping it would...b/c then I would know I was at least HALFWAY right about the person I THINK he is...

The final battle of the weekend.. well major battle that is... was meeting some of his friends.. Anyone can turn on the charm for MY friends, but seeing how HIS friends treat him and vise versa would be a hefty dose of reality. Mr. Myspace is an army of one, my friends. His friends obviously love him. He treats them well...and they're good people. ~yadayada known by the company you keep thing~ Best part, though.. his friends seemed to like ME.. Not that I was seeking acceptance.. Hello... I'm Brainyblonde...I dont NEED acceptance from Mr. Mypace OR his friends.. But, yeah.. felt good.

Needless to say, the hardest battle forged this weekend was saying goodbye for quite awhile... Yeah yeah.. the defenses got a little jarred and I kinda liked it.. He seems to have that effect on me. *sigh* It's gonna be awhile before we can have that initial awkward seeing each other again hug that still feels so good. The whole distance thing is SO what I need right now.. but damnit.. it's a LOT of distance. Here's hoping my cynicism gets back to healthy levels before then... or maybe not. ;)

~ BrainyBlonde

Words to the wise: UTIs....

Gah! I hate being a chick sometimes. I shouldn't blog about this, but I don't care.. b/c if you've ever had one.. you can relate. It takes OVER. Series of repeated thoughts...

Must pee NOW.
Nope. Nope.. Cant seem to go..
Gee, that whole feeling of fire "down there" is super fun
I wonder if the secretary at work has noticed that I've gone to the bathroom 6 times in the past 30 minutes
WHY HASNT MY DOCTOR CALLED ME BACK?! DOESNT HE UNDERSTAND I MIGHT BE DYING.. death by bladder.. not a fun way to go...


Personally, I seem to get them every time I even THINK about sex. Yeah. Annoying. My personal fav is when people offer advice like "hey, dont forget to pee afterwards" I think to myself "Gee.. I should have totally thought about that 10 UTIs ago." *sigh* Contemplating an IV of cranberry juice.. Fact. Also, I have to back up Foxy's blog about the drug interaction.. Seriously.. why is it that every single antibiotic I take interacts with my pill?!!! Granted, a UTI doesn't make me wanna run out and screw someone, but for crying out loud, if this was a guy's dilemma, it would have already been solved. (inserts sarcastic furrowed brows in deep thought) Hmm.. wonder if I should get totally well... or have sex... yeah.. thats a fair decision. The UNFAIR decision is allergy meds that interact.. It's like "Hmm.. runny nose... unborn fetus... take your pic" *sigh*

~BB

date? can you use the word in a sentence?

First, I apologize for my lack of postings. I was the art coordinator for the Oscars and was busy working my tail off as well as freaking out at the amazingly close proximity (and googley eye making) I experienced with Leonardo DiCaprio. I would never let go and send you sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

But to more pressing matters.

I have a date. I have a real life date. I met a guy. Guy got my number. Guy called in advance. Guy asked me to go to a concert with him this weekend. I said yes to Guy. A real date.

I am excited because I am not often asked out on dates. In fact, I think the last official date I was asked out on was back in college, we got tacos at Taco Cabana. I wasn’t old enough to drink. And out in LA, dates don’t happen. People hook up. People hang out. People are so busy working on careers that personal lives are left far behind. And as a result, I am a nervous wreck.

Without a doubt, we will have a good time. Concert tickets to one of my fav bands – awesometown. He’s a sweet and nice, and really cute guy. He is super respectful and I have nothing to worry about but as a result of the long time passed since I went on a date, I have no idea what I should expect. I mean, I don’t even know if I kiss on the first date because I don’t think I’ve even been in that situation!

no glove no love

so, today I had to get antibiotics. turns out I've got a sinus infection. i go to the pharmacy to pick it up at there's a big red card in my prescription that says CONSULT! I don't even get an option this time! the pharmacist comes over and quietly whispers to me that if I am on birth control I need to use extra protection if I'm going to have sex.

the following thoughts fly through my mind:
shit!
hey wait a minute...
dude, it's not like if you were to you wouldn't have used extra protection anyway...

the thing is, she said it like it wasn't a given. and what's really scary is that for a lot of people, it's not. I mean, it's one thing to opt not to use a condom in an established, committed, we've-both-been-tested relationship but a lot of people aren't in them. people like me.

now, I don't sleep with a lot of people, it's not how I roll. some people do, some don't, i don't judge. unless you are stupid about it. hello, pregnancies and stds. and babies?!? yeesh. that's why my myspace page says "someday" next to the word "children."

so anyway, I'm now over being amazed at the pharmacist having to tell me that and instead have the following issues.

1. in a world where we can replace hearts and hips and cure most of what ails us, whycome can't we find a pill and an antibiotic that can co-exist in our bodies without screwing each other up?
2. why do some people still not use more than one form of birth control (religious preferences notwithstanding)??? if something is 98% effective that means 2% of the time...oopsie.

immediately I recalled a rather humorous encounter from a little while ago. I, too drunk to drive, ended up staying at a guy's house and as I'm sure you can guess, neither of us slept on the couch. But he wanted to have sex and I didn't. And let me tell you, we didn't. If there'd been any indecision in my mind, however, it would have disappeared immediately when he said the following phrase: "ifya want I could get a condom." Because he said it like he had just offered to give me a footrub or do the dishes even though he had cooked dinner. He said it like it was an option and like he was doing me a favor. huh?!?

plus, what's so wrong with guys shouldering a portion of the birth control burden, eh? it's not like we're asking you to pay for half of our pills/shots/rings. we just want you to do your part too. it's not like it's hard. or maybe it is. [oh, the puns. must. resist.]

which brings me to my conclusion: maybe we really should have applications for procreation.

okay, not really. but still.

ooh, also, random foxyfact. so you know the whole hpv vaccine? and how people are all up in arms 'cause it's to prevent a cancer that comes from an std? and how the state of texas is going to make girls start getting the shots when they're 12? well-1. as you likely know hpv can be transferred just by skin to skin contact. yikes. 2 is even worse though--2. so, some people argue that their virginal corn-fed buckle o' the bible belt daughter will only have sex with one man ever (and they just might be right, actually) and so there's no need to vaccinate her, right? wrong. they can't/won't test men for hpv, apparently it's quite invasive since the symptoms don't usually manifest. so, the *virginal* girl could be exposed to hpv if her hubby has had sex with someone else and has it, and they wouldn't even be able to test to find out. and hello, cervical cancer? no thank you, no thank you.

wow. this wasn't a light post, eh? you're welcome for your public service announcement?

and in the meantime? just keep your hats on. ;)

~foxysavant.

mr. perfect

Perhaps, some day, a man I don't know will come to my door. He will be tall enough and handsome with engaging eyes and a wonderful smile. He will bring me chocolate covered strawberries and a bouquet of pink, white, yellow and orange gerbera daisies (or ranunculuses if they are in season. and he won’t bring me red ones of either). He will be punny and witty and just dorky enough. He will appreciate me. And he won’t be perfect—he’ll be perfect for me. And upon locking eyes we will fall in love instantly and live happily ever after, in the style o' the fairy tale.

And I’ll ignore that whole creeped out feeling of why-did-he-know-what-to-bring and how-did-he-find-my house?!?

Right. So, that kind of stuff doesn’t happen. And if it happens to you, you should probably call the cops.

Dating isn’t that simple. It’s complicated. It has rules and exceptions and nuances. It’s a kind of dance, you know? And rarely do you know who’s leading. And that’s half the fun—because if it were so easy we wouldn’t enjoy it nearly as much. There’d be no more butterflies, no more cute stories of how people met at a coffee shop or a bar or church or through friends and no more first kisses, no more silly evenings, no more disastrous dates to laugh about later. No more fancy dinners or plays or sporting games. And most importantly, no more chase.

And though sometimes I wish I’d just suddenly figure it all out, I also know that there’s nothing like the chase. Nothing like a first kiss. And nothing like making eyes from across the room.

So for now, Mr. Perfect-for-me, I kindly request that you do not show up on my doorstep with my favorite things. I’d rather meet you somewhere else, thanks. And you’re going to have to work for it, ‘cause that’s the fun part.

~foxysavant

orange juice and dry toast, part deux.

the sexy one was so right. And now I feel her pain.

Y'see, I am sick. I think it’s a sinus infection. And I am not a happy camper. As a fair-skinned gal if I blow my nose like twice my face is as red as a coke can. And when my nose is screwy I'm a perpetual nose-blower. I can use ultra-lotioned-soft-as-a-baby’s-behind tissues and I still turn red. And then my nose chaps. And I get grumpy. And needy. I try to be positive and polite and I usually succeed, but all I really want is someone to bring me hot liquids and food, change the dvds and take care of me.

Yes, I admit it, sometimes I want to be taken care of.

It’s kind of a big deal for a smart, single, independent and competent woman to admit that—or at least it is for this one. Don’t get me wrong—I’m all about being a part of a team, but there’s something about not being able to be self-reliant any time I want that really gets under my skin. And even more disconcerting is when I want to not be self-reliant. It’s confusing and conflicting. And it makes me want to go home, crawl into my bed and go to sleep, knowing full well that any of my wants and needs will be taken care of.

Oooh, I know! Maybe I should teach my cats how to make me tea. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Either that or I need to develop powers of telekinesis. One or the other. ;)

~foxysavant

eight six seven five three oh nine

so, sometimes I really really like being the cute single gal. It's fun to go out with your taken lady friends and have three or four wingwomen. It's a good time.

but sometimes it seems to get a leeeeetle out of hand.

some of my gal-pals are really really good at finding the cute guys in the bar. I mean, I see my fair share, too. Plus it takes more than one good pair of eyes to throughly scan a bar. And, see, when you have other people scoping for you too, it's interesting to see the different types of guys they notice and point out to you. Fortunately, I have one friend who is really really good at picking out the one's that I might want to talk to. So...

Once the clock-related locations and shirt/hair colors of a cute guy are shared, next I am usually goaded into going up and saying hello. Which I usually do.

But this is not how it happened this time.

Y'see, I was dancing up a storm with my co-worker and his friends. I'd chilled with them before, so this wasn't a big deal at all. Plus, he was having a bad night anyway, so I was trying to cheer him up. I came back to the bar area to check on my friends and found a smorgasbord of dudes in the general vicinity. Most of whom my friends were trying to have talk to me, not the other way around.

nice to have the opportunities, but that wasn't really what I was looking for at the time. but by this point, I needed to talk to these guys or I'd 1) be rude to my friends and 2) be rude to the guys. Now, some of 'em I was actually excited to meet. Like the photographer. He wasn't really cute, but he was nice, and he honestly just wanted to talk about photos. I gave him my card and we talked about trees since that's what he likes to photograph.

Then there was the weatherman, and he was funny, but not my type. There was another weatherman, too (one of the groups was a bunch of the young guys from a local news station)--and it was his birthday. He kept calling me "glasses." He was pretty drunk, so I moved down the line.

Next was the group of three country-guys with funny names. They were all quite polite, and in another situation I might have been interested. But I wasn't that day. I did have to talk up one of the guys for a while anyway, due to my friend's request--apparently one of this guy's two friends always makes the first moves with the ladies, and so they always end up dating him--I needed to at least flirt with Mr. Rico Suave's friend for a little bit just for his ego's sake, I guess? Anyhoo, I did as I was told. But I ended up talking to Mr. Suave anyway, 'cause he took the initiative in the convo.

And then there was the guy in the military who was actually from my home state which is 1200 miles away from where I live. We even grew up in the same city. But I am the one who gets credit for this one--'cause he was at the bar when I went to order my drink.

So, why am I telling you this? Because--well... So, I'm a photographer as a hobby, right? And I'm looking to gain more experience, and I want to try doing headshots and maybe wedding photography and that kind of stuff. I love the artsy stuff, but it's the stuff that caters to the people that will ultimately make me money. And, bless my friends, they'd told every one of these guys that I was a photographer. And every one of them needed headshots, or had a blank wall or a friend who was getting married or whatever. My friends did such a good job talking me and my photography up that I felt like I needed to give them my cards for business reasons even though I thought they'd be using it for personal ones.

The military guy is totally my fault, ('cause when he said where he was from I told him how I'd just been there 'cause it's my home, and he said how he missed it, so I told him to check out my pictures 'cause they're of there. So this was all me. But I think I un-flirted and hometowned it enough to make it not a please-email-me-for-a-date convo. I think.) but the rest o' the credit goes to my co-partiers.

I'm soooo not complaining. It never hurts to be the center of someone's attention, if only briefly. And it's even better when what your friends have talked up about you is true. But now I'm getting a bunch (I think I'm up to five?) half flirty/half business emails to which I'm having to deftly reply. It's good and bad. But next time I might just change my number and have them replace "Jenny" with my name. That would have been simpler. ;)

~foxysavant

Conflicted much?

So what if.... (please read the following in one big breath rapidly..its how I feel)
Mr. Ex still likes me and says OFTEN that the way he treated me is his biggest regret but
....I'm tired of being the "one that got away"and
....Mr. Myspace seems to kinda be likin me and I kinda like him lots too...
....I totally still just wanna do what I wanna do in terms of feeling like....
....I could make out with someone on any given night b/c...
.....I dont feel like justifying my actions to ANYONE since...
....I am actively working at being selfish in work.. in love.. etc.. for example....
....I might go to a formal dance with Mr. Ex and I even...
....have a plane ticket to see Mr. Myspace next weekend...Moral of the story is....I'm a bit conflicted. :) So what. -BB