Wednesday, May 21, 2008

comfortably single

I have a boyfriend.
We are "serious."
We are not living together.
or engaged.
or even sharing a cell phone plan.
and I am not authorized to use his blockbuster card.

and me? I'm okay with this. I mean, I have breakdown moments when I get veryveryvery upset that I am not on the path to alleged marital bliss, but I've been there, done that and got the tshirt. The tshirt and the special box to check that says "divorced." I mean, not that I don't want to get married, and not that I want it to be three years away, but as my boyfriend puts it "we aren't in a race to the aisle."

though sometimes it seems like maybe we are. le sigh.

so. I've been going to weddings. LOTS of weddings. with lots of people. friends. romans. countrymen. etc.

and I gotta tell ya--being "single" ain't so bad.

first off, there's the soon-to-not-be-single bride. the last two I've been around have been oddly calm, in the kind of way that means that previously they were suuuuuper stressed. I love them both, and I must say I'm quite relieved the stress is gone.

but then, there's the crazy folks going after the garter or the bouquet, which can be fun unless someone's getting all puncy. Or the people who go to weddings fully expecting to have random sex with a stranger, or there's the part where because I don't have a shiny bauble on my left ring finger suddenly old men (older than my father would be!) feel like it's okay to flirt with me or comment on my ass. that's not so awesome.

but I got to dance with my boyfriend. and have him get me drinks. and have other guys get me drinks before my boyfriend came into town. :)

anyway, rambling.

thinking about the future a lot. though I mentioned previously that I'm just fine with our situation I sometimes feel like I'm falling short of other's expectations. Or that I'm not fitting into the box that others place me. Like my granny who wants me to never live with (or sleep with, or hug-to-long) a guy to whom I am not married. Or my well-meaning friends who pester me (or him) with timeline questions. (which, honestly, who doesn't love having a friend who will ask your significant other what the hell he's thinking? except I am blessed with having quite a few people who are totally willing to ask!) But worst of all is that I know people whose relationships seem to be on fast-forward, and I, like any girl, don't like feeling like I'm behind pace. Even though I know, veryvery well, that I am not.

this doesn't seem like it has a point. and maybe it doesn't, other than to remind me that this is a part of the process, and when I don't have the single boys flirting and there's no longer an element of "I don't know" I think I might miss it, just a little bit. maybe.