Monday, April 30, 2007
Got me thinkin'.
I'm not the materialistic type...at.all. I'm WAY more into sentiment...I think it totally depends on the person.. and what you KNOW is important to them.. aka.. how they express they care. If that's over playing sports, riding go-karts, taking a long walk on a beach, romantic dinner, volunteering together...whatever... I mean...there are MANY "perfect" dates. I guess what I'm saying is I think having an ideal anything sometimes baffles me b/c the truly "ideal" changes with people...and with time...and with circumstance... It's like the girls that try to pick out their "perfect" engagement ring before they even MEET the "perfect" guy. If any of you do that, I'm sorry to insult... But, to me.. I just can't wrap my mind around it. Whatever.
The dates on The Bachelor are typically over-the-top. Soooooo....If you could choose any over-the-top date, what would it be?? Mine?? Well, since you asked.. or are at least still reading...
I'm SUCH a planner and a slight control freak..okay, okay.. so a TOTAL control freak...So, I'd love it if someone somehow got me off on a tangent controlling something else..or planning something to where I didn't pick up any sign of the date-ness b/c I'd be too busy..haha... I'm a sleuth...and relentless...and frankly quite annoying. So, the whole surprise thing is an element in this.
Here's the deal.. I think it would be AWESOME if someone totally planned EVERY.THING. from the start.. to the finish.. I mean.. I could have choices in between.. but from a list that he pre-determined. Okay.. sooooo... when I say plan everything.. I mean.. EVERYTHING.. from me showing up in sweats or whatever on a Saturday afternoon only to have him surprise me with something fabulous to wear (which would mean he'd have to get the size right...and my taste.. hello major points awarded...), flowers, whatever.. with really anything amazing planned... I mean.. my mind went everywhere from dinner to overnight trip to carriage ride (I think I lived in the Old South in a former life. Strange obsession with carriages. Dont ask) to well.. doing something totally spontaneously awesome like slow dancing on a yacht... I guess thing about my fabulous date would be letting me totally rely on HIS plans with a hint of fun, romance.. and something that kept me guessing.
Moral: Yeah, the dates on The Bachelor are nice.. but I don't really need a yacht, a rented out gourmet restaurant, or even a horse drawn carriage, but hey...a little spoiling and romance from a Prince Charming never hurt any girl's fantasy date, right? ;) So much more goes into it, but there's no point in boring ya. Just wanted to get ya thinkin...
Friday, April 27, 2007
boys: a tip to the hip--when in another state, call your ladylove*, she will like it.
girl: answer the damn phone. and keep him talking. even if it's about the james brown memorial.
so, a confession. I'm kinda sorta maybe a little in a something. the kind of something that might eventually end up in some sort of a something with actual titles that have three or four letters in front of the word "friend." and I'm kind of digging it. technically single (and really, I think I'm allowed to contribute to this blog until I have to check "married" on my tax forms) and enjoying the hell out of it. but still.
I'm feeling all sappity sap sappy. I want to gush. I'm resisting the urge, 'cause, y'know, I might regret said gushing in the morning...but all in all? yeah, liking the sap. of, um the trees. that's the ticket...riiiiiiiight.
now? it's time to go cuddle up with my kitty cats in my kinda-worn-out-but-sooooooo-comfy pjs. see, I told you I was technically single. :)
*like this, not meaning like this.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
I'm not modest. I'm not shy. Plus, I'm really into keeping my body healthy for many reasons.. but one of which is b/c I do plan on being a mommy/parental unit/card carrying SUV car seat driver someday. That said, I'm on my third Gyno. The first one.. well.. he had large hands.. and I was 17.. and that whole thing made me uncomfy. Enough said. The second one was a lesbian with a back problem. The lesbian thing didn't really bother me.. I mean.. whatever, right.. But, the back problem thing eventually put her out of business. So, here I am.. on pelvic examiner number 3. Great.
So, why oh why do people need to bring in "learners" to these exams? My favorite is a situation like today where my doc came in and said (with intern in tow) "Would you mind if a student watches today?" I really dont care.. but I thought "Um.. REALLY?" Damn. Okay.. So, I said yes. It really doesnt bother me that much.. at least more than the whole experience already does. Then, a PA was also being trained and wanted to be a voyeur in my day of fun in the table stirrups while someone fondles my breasts and talks to me about stupid subjects to try to distract me.
Okay, fine.. so.. we now have THREE people.. Add a nurse.. and it makes FOUR people looking at my hoo-ha.. all the while uttering things like "so, how many years is law school? (since I'm a lawyer)" and other random conversation pieces. Then, the advertisement came for that HPV vaccine. I'm thinking "did something down there trigger your thought processes about HPV or are you just being thorough?" Whatever the case, it's just a weird experience. My personal favorite was the comment about how prominent my rib cage is while she examined my breasts then commenting that I have a cute figure or something along those lines.. but not in a weird way.. It was flattering.. in an attempt to buck the ribs comment, I think. I'm not wafer-thin or anything by any means, but thanks for making me feel like a starving ethiopian with boobs, weirdo doc! Maybe all women are just on edge sitting there in a robe and there really isnt anything to ease that.. but still.. *sigh* :)
Nontheless, it's over for another year. I'd really like to just have my Rx for my birth control and leave, but I guess that damn cold speculum is part of the whole process. Arg. *sigh* Welp, at least now I'm sure that I'm STD free, fertile, and apparently entertaining for four people to watch while naked in stirrups. Eh, there could be worse. ;)
I'm back. I'm blogging. I missed you.
Monday, April 23, 2007
2. come hang out with my friends.
3. and pay for everything.
That's what I feel like I'm saying. Maybe I shouldn't feel like this, but I do. Is that weird? Do other people think like this? I mean, it's not what I intend to be saying, but at the end of the night, it's what I feel like I've said. okay, ending the girl-speak. let's try to explain...
I've been seeing this guy for, oh, a month and a half-ish. We're having a lot of fun--a little drama, too, but a lot of fun. And I wanted him to meet my friends, right? Especially my bestest friend down here, who he hadn't yet met. "Wanna come to dinner with us?" I asked. Of course he came. He knows she's important to me.
and at the end of the night, when the bill came, he insisted on paying even though I offered, and even though I invited him.
Maybe it's an appearance thing? I mean, I've paid for our drinks at a bar when it was just the two of us, and I bought our takeout the other night. And I offered to pay for our dinner. It wasn't expensive or anything. But he insisted. It's just that I'm not a "buy me this" kind of girl. Plus, as much as I know I shouldn't worry about this, I've gotta say that I'm an engineer and he's a school teacher. There's a disparity of income there, folks. And while I'm all about the guy doing the paying 'cause that's how it should be, and while I know that he's not spending mulah he doesn't have, I also know that, well, it makes me wonder.
I'm a libra. We're all about fairness. And not like EVERY time I invite him to do something I should shell out, but really? If I do the inviting then I feel like it should maybe kinda be my treat...
then again, if this is one of the bigger things on my mind? doing pret-ty well, methinks.
just another manic monday. and one that smells like rice, oddly enough. what DO people eat in their cubes, huh?
Friday, April 20, 2007
there are moments when people leave you speechless. and sometimes they're good. sometimes it's a warm and fuzzy and deep and intense moment--a kiss, a compliment, an award, a surprise. and sometimes they're terrible. a betrayal, a disappointment, a tragic event.
and twice in the past twenty four hours I have been left speechless.
I wish I could tell you it was for a good reason. I can't deny there's been some nice kissing, and I did get a pretty swell office earlier this week.
but twice now, people have been really selfish. and it made me, as they'd say in mary poppins, be a codfish.
now, don't get me wrong, this isn't the pot calling the kettle black. it is okay to be selfish. there are times and ways to make it okay. right now i'm being selfish in my person life, quite honestly. but there are also wrong ways.
the most recent offense, I'm not really gonna mention. but sometimes people should be less caught up in themselves. besides, this one wasn't really that big of a deal.
the one I found out about yesterday--hold the phone. a friend of mine has a new friend, a couple. she knows them pretty well and they spend a lot of time together. and yesterday the man in the couple, who is married, his on her. like hard core thought they were gonna fool around. sent her an email about submarines that she didn't get at the time, but fully understands now...and when she was like, uh, what?!? he was all "yeah, you knew what I wanted, don't play dumb," and stuff like that. what about his wife? how disrespectful of both of them! and how selfish of him. shame on him! for shame!!! she thought of this guy almost like a father. and he thought it was okay to behave like that. and then he had the nerve to accuse her of leading him on. what the hell?!?
so, yeah, codfish. seriously. maybe he'll get a bad haircut...if he has any left, the asshole. and also, ew.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
and I had it again yesterday.
(admittedly, once in my head and then once on the phone with my friend susan, but whatev.)
so, guys give girls compliments, right? (and hopefully the other way around, but that's not the point of this blog today) anyho, those compliments? we eat 'em up. as a friend of mine would say, "flattery will get you everywhere." and he's right.
so, the easiest compliment to give is one about our appearance. y'know, the you-look-nice-s, the you-have-pretty-eyes, the that-dress-is-sexy-s, the you-have-a-great-laughs, the your-ass-looks-great-in-those
what is not, though, is the very simple ones. the simple sentences.
you are pretty.
you are cute.
you are beautiful.
I tried to put them in the order of preference to girls. Or, rather, to this girl. And yes, I really would rather be cute than pretty.. and I left out "you are hot" because I think that's in a completely different vein. There are many other good words to use, too--lovely, sexy, gorgeous, stunning, etc., but for the point of a discussion I once had, I'm excluding them too.
once, a guy explained to me that girls who are "cute" are very girl-next-door-y, that they're the type of girl you'd want to see in jeans and a ponytail, but that they usually don't pull off getting all gussied up very well, or at least not spectacularly.
and then he said there were the pretty girls. they look GREAT when they're all done up and put together, but only so-so when they're not bedecked in makeup and hairspray and matching duds. you might hit on 'em at a wedding, but on a "casual" day they're no so breathtaking after all.
next he clarified that the best girls of all were the ones who are beautiful. because the beautiful ones are the ones who look good in sweatshirts and headbands, in jeans and flip flops AND in cocktail dresses with heels. and most importantly, the kind of girl who you call beautiful isn't just called this because of her appearance--because so much of what makes her beautiful is what's inside.
and this guy, he told me I was beautiful. which of course, totally made my week. :)
I'm not seeing him anymore, 'cause he turned out to be a bit of a tool, but as I go on about my business I keep wondering if guys in general have a hierarchy of compliments. Oh, I know it's not some written standard, but is
attractive<cute <pretty < fetching <lovely < sexy <gorgeous <beautiful <foxy? :)
so cats and kittens, guys and dolls what one is the best and what word would you most prefer to be called?
in springtime, the only pretty ring time,
when birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding.
sweet lovers love the spring.
oh, the movies do it, the animals do it, even willy wonka knew about it, and quite frankly, they've got a point. springtime brings out the pairs, the couples, the duos (the pair of lonely ones that were meant to be a two! name that song?). or at least that's how it appears. because oddly enough, some cosmic force seems to have lined up recently, at least as far as my immediate friends are concerned. it seems like pretty much every single one (pun intended) of my friends is in a relationship of some type that is, for the time being, going swimmingly.
my terminally single friends, my married friends, my engaged friends, my internet friends, my "just dating" friends, even me. I'm certainly not "in a relationship," as defined by myspace/facebook, but I'm definitely dating someone and it's going quite well for now. But I kind of find it uncanny.perhaps spring really is for the birds? y'know the love birds.
Friday, April 13, 2007
but now I'm wondering if this is kind of like those stories about waiting for a special occasion to use your good china and then ending up never using it. like me and my never-used but prettily-on-display wedding china.
the two things are different--one place setting probably cost as much as my 100% cotton sateen sheet sets--but symbolically they're kind of the same. Of course sometimes you use the fancy wine glasses, and I sure as heck hope you change your sheets sometimes when you don't have a date that night, buuuuuut...you catch my drift.
so anyway, I think from now on my sheet-changing routine might have to be a tad different. maybe I should change them every time I think I'm going to have fun. or before every weekend. or something. and maybe you should, too.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
or maybe it's just that I make guys nervous. that's possible too, I guess. I mean, quite honestly sometimes guys make me nervous--and I'm not a gal who gets nervous easily.
but it's quite alarming to me that just by being who I am I seem to make people a little solicitous, a little skittish or just a tad twitchy.
and the most frustrating part is I don't even know what I'm doing to cause it--it just happens.
there are a lot of "maybe I'm too _______"s I could list. Quite honestly I know quite a few men who have been off-put by my intellect--'course I let them go on the merry way as soon as I realized it--but really? though I can think of many adjectives that usual describe me, like "shiny," "happy," "punny," "obstinate," "clever," "silly" or "feisty,"I never thought "intimidating" would join that little list.
now how to unintimidate, eh?
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
This means, as a mental image, I will permanently be engrained in his mind as sweaty/dirty/greasy. just swell, I tell you. swell.
I mean, there are some contexts where it's perfectly okay for a guy to think of me as sweaty and dirty, especially if we worked up that sweat together, but really? Playing softball isn't exactly the kind of situation I'm envisioning here.
There are LOADS of cute guys on my softball team though. Maybe I'm going to have to figure out a cute-yet-functional way to wear my hair while I'm playing, and perhaps those baseball players are going to have to move up a notch!
But I have to admit, it’s getting a leeettle complicated.
My friends have come up with multiple nicknames for them. And if I forget the adjective o’ the day, I must explain who I’m talking about. Honestly? It’s pretty damn amusing. My friend “Jiggles” was like, "Foxy, this kind of thing would only happen to you." 'Cause me? I get weird illnesses and weird dating sitches. Maybe it's not that weird--Matt is a common name--but two? At the same time? After my string of K names? Kinda odd, methinks.
other funny things...
other funny things...Let’s see…
there’s been the MANY jokes about how at least I won’t say/moan/scream the wrong name…
and hilarious comments about having “so many matts to walk on” and how it’s a “matt attack”
but my personal favorite is the time I kinda kissed both of them in the same day. which is soooo not like me. it wasn't on purpose (one of them surprised me at my house, and it was actually our first kiss and could have been so much more romantic if I hadn't been horribly startled and sorta kinda yelped in fear when I opened my door to find him there!), I promise. but let me tell you what, that’s a great never have I ever.
but the fact of the matter? this is fun and exhausting at the same time. oh, woe is me, poor single girl, right? ha!
Friday, April 6, 2007
from the male side:
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down, do you??
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color! Pumpkin is also a fruit or something. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1 You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. (Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.)
all true? not really (I hope!)...but still amusing.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
he sang a song that's been running in my head since yesterday, 'cause of just one line. "you've gotta kiss the girl."
one of my guy friends emailed me yesterday. he's about to go on date numero quatro with this chick-a-dee he's been
lusting after dating. they met online, and from what I can tell, they're both a bit overly-insecure, but things are going pretty well.
and he emailed me this "someone mentioned to me today that if a guy takes too long to make a move (first kiss, etc.), then it sends a signal to the girl that he's not interested and, in turn, she loses interest. Is there any truth to that? Also, could not making a move show a sign of a lack of confidence, thus being a negative thing?"
I think it's certainly true, and certainly a negative thing, 'cause if you're on your third date and you haven't kissed her yet, and you're an adult, then there's kind of a good chance she's:
1. wondering what's wrong with her that you haven't kissed her yet.
2. wondering what's wrong with you that you haven't kissed her yet.
3. wondering where she's going to find a guy who WILL kiss her.
4. making a grocery list in her head while on your date.plus, nervousness begets nervousness, so you're about to get stuck in an ugly vicious cycle, methinks.
Now, when I was fifteen, kissing was a big deal. A huge thing. But now that I'm in my mid-twenties I've gotta say--kissing? not such a big thing anymore. At least, not in the holy-crap-I-can't-believe-we-kissed kind of way. I'm all about the toe-curling, the moaning/sighing, the getting to know how the other person kisses part of all this. And people who kiss poorly either need to hit the lessons or hit the road. But really? Not a gigantic step. A very normal step. A very normal step that it's kind of weird to wait until your fourth date to make, dontcha think?
now, maybe it isn't the guy's fault. maybe the girl hasn't sent signals. maybe she's just in it for the free dinners. or maybe she's just afraid he won't like how she kisses. or maybe they should both just pony up and pucker up. you take risks in life and love people, that's how it works. weight 'em, measure 'em, debate 'em, decide for/against 'em, sure. but know that at some point? going to have to put yourself out there. and kissing is totally one of those times.
lesson to be learned:
gals: do your part and make it clear that you would gladly accept a kiss from him. we know how to do this, it's not hard at all.
and guys: grow a pair and go for it. betcha a buck if you've played your cards right she's gonna be kissing you back.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
since when did it become cute to wear undergarmets that look like they belong on little boys? and why do I get the idea that if someone were to, say, see me in those and a tanktop I might not be wearing either piece of clothing for very long, mmm?
happy hump day, folks. :)
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Carrie: I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.
(PS.. best scene EVER...last episode..last season)
When she said that, I totally agreed:
"YES! RIDICULOUS!!! ~*cheer*
CONSUMING!!!~*cheer cheer* "
But, then.. if that's what we want to hear.. as hopeless romantic Carrie Bradshaw's of the world, then why oh why are we so quick to take those adjectives and twist them into NEGATIVES in the REAL world.... please insert frowny/complainy face saying "ridiculous." "inconvenient." "consuming." while your girlfriends all nod in support like "yeah, that is SO the last thing you need right now..."
My aunt once told me to marry someone who loves you more than you love them and I thought I would come unglued.. WHY would someone do that???!! (I seriously could never) (then again, she also told me to sleep with at least three men in my life.. fair enough..lol) But... I think that's just it...we're looking for the:
ridiculous. inconvenient. consuming.
...but too often go for the safer, convenient, less than consuming.. Why?
Maybe I'm reflecting on some of the couples I know in my life... or maybe I'm analyzing some of my own behavior.. I really think this was provoked by the former, but I cant help admit the latter in some of my past....
I wouldn't say I'm LOOKING for love.. but I wouldn't say I'm not looking either.. and I am definitely saying I think I'm opening myself a little more to the ridiculous, consuming, totally inconvenientness of it all.... If only I was in an expensive hotel in Paris, right?? Damn you, Carrie Bradshaw!
Oh...and while we're on the subject of Sex and the City.. which I RARELY reference.. I must take this opportunity to ask.. have you ever counted the number of people they've slept with from season 1 to season 7?? I dont think we should.. It might discredit the quote I like so much. lol! :)
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
"He who hesitates is a damned fool."
"Loves conquers all things except poverty and toothache."
"It is better to be looked over than overlooked."
"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."
But this one came to mind recently: Few men know how to kiss well; fortunately, I've always had time to teach them.
And the kind of not-kissing-well I'm talking about here isn't the kind that was discussed here. Not the kind lacking fundamentals. No, no. It's the kind there's something just a little off--like there's sparks but not SPARKS. I have had the privilege of kissing some really really great kissers during my kissing spree the last few months (and goodness me some terrible ones too). But one in particular left me feeling very Carrie-and-Berger in Sex in the City. Incredible at everything else--except for that one thing--in this case, kissing.
Now, I'm in my mid-twenties, here. And dating people in their twenties (okay well that was that one thirty-five year old, but moving on...)... And what I do not understand is how one could go throught life being smart, funny and good-looking and have not yet been taught how to kiss. Oh, yes, I understand there are different styles/preferences/methods/what have you. I know, I know. But still.
I mean, when you were fifteen or nineteen or whatever and making out, if you weren't digging the kisses you could say,"ooh, let's try this!" and no one's feelings would get hurt, no pride injured. but now? damn, he's been kissing that way for an awful long time.
I'm quite certain I'm not the first or last girl to encounter this kind of a problem.
so, what's a girl to do? ignore it? hope it goes away? is this a plague on the people? or ooh, maybe it's some weird kind of population control--all the not-good-kissers out there won't get the ladies, won't have babies...yeah, that's the ticket. scarier still? the possibility that someone else actually really really liked this style of kissing.
maybe I should start teaching kissing lessons? any takers? ha!