Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Gyn-NO!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I'm back among the land of the living.. at least in blog world again. :) I took a little hiatus while looking for a job.. which Im still doing.. but felt like writing today.. Gah! I need to catch up on the other blogs people have been writing.. Okay.. that said.. With my recent unemployment and ever-ready-to-expire insurance, I am glad I had already made an appt to have my yearly.. Well, "glad" is so subjective, right? Okay.. so.. as all girls.. single and marrieds alike know.. the OBGYN (pronounced- O.b.-gin for those of us in the know...) is a time which we all must endure yearly. Mine=today.

I'm not modest. I'm not shy. Plus, I'm really into keeping my body healthy for many reasons.. but one of which is b/c I do plan on being a mommy/parental unit/card carrying SUV car seat driver someday. That said, I'm on my third Gyno. The first one.. well.. he had large hands.. and I was 17.. and that whole thing made me uncomfy. Enough said. The second one was a lesbian with a back problem. The lesbian thing didn't really bother me.. I mean.. whatever, right.. But, the back problem thing eventually put her out of business. So, here I am.. on pelvic examiner number 3. Great.

So, why oh why do people need to bring in "learners" to these exams? My favorite is a situation like today where my doc came in and said (with intern in tow) "Would you mind if a student watches today?" I really dont care.. but I thought "Um.. REALLY?" Damn. Okay.. So, I said yes. It really doesnt bother me that much.. at least more than the whole experience already does. Then, a PA was also being trained and wanted to be a voyeur in my day of fun in the table stirrups while someone fondles my breasts and talks to me about stupid subjects to try to distract me.

Okay, fine.. so.. we now have THREE people.. Add a nurse.. and it makes FOUR people looking at my hoo-ha.. all the while uttering things like "so, how many years is law school? (since I'm a lawyer)" and other random conversation pieces. Then, the advertisement came for that HPV vaccine. I'm thinking "did something down there trigger your thought processes about HPV or are you just being thorough?" Whatever the case, it's just a weird experience. My personal favorite was the comment about how prominent my rib cage is while she examined my breasts then commenting that I have a cute figure or something along those lines.. but not in a weird way.. It was flattering.. in an attempt to buck the ribs comment, I think. I'm not wafer-thin or anything by any means, but thanks for making me feel like a starving ethiopian with boobs, weirdo doc! Maybe all women are just on edge sitting there in a robe and there really isnt anything to ease that.. but still.. *sigh* :)

Nontheless, it's over for another year. I'd really like to just have my Rx for my birth control and leave, but I guess that damn cold speculum is part of the whole process. Arg. *sigh* Welp, at least now I'm sure that I'm STD free, fertile, and apparently entertaining for four people to watch while naked in stirrups. Eh, there could be worse. ;)

I'm back. I'm blogging. I missed you.
~BrainyBlonde :)

5 comments:

Kate said...

there's no way i'm letting a "learner" get a chance to learn me. sorry. it ain't happening. lol.

foxysavant said...

guess who's back, back again...brainy's back, tell a friend, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back...

glad you're here.

and totally hear you on the large hands thing. my first obgyn? a man with large hands WHO WAS MY SOFTBALL COACH IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AND SIXTH GRADE. shudder.

but hey, terrible cramps will make a girl agree to most anything....

HomeImprovementNinja said...

Yeah, you shouldn't the guy watched. If he didn't learn it in High School, then he's hopeless.

Anonymous said...

I once had a female Gyno comment on my "really really nicely formed stomach muscles". This also involved her pulling off my entire gown to look. It was the creepiest doctor visit ever.
But somehow my latest dr telling me that I have lumpy breasts was worse. Especially when she tried to smooth it over by telling me that all small breasted women have lumps. All I could say was "Gee...thanks."

Elle said...

Who are you going to? My girl is good, call me in 11 1/2 months and get her number from me.

PS You ARE wafer thin w/ boobs
PPS Missed you too!!!