Tuesday, April 3, 2007

mae west? she said an awful lot of really good one-liners.


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

"He who hesitates is a damned fool."

"Loves conquers all things except poverty and toothache."

"It is better to be looked over than overlooked."

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough."

But this one came to mind recently: Few men know how to kiss well; fortunately, I've always had time to teach them.

And the kind of not-kissing-well I'm talking about here isn't the kind that was discussed here. Not the kind lacking fundamentals. No, no. It's the kind there's something just a little off--like there's sparks but not SPARKS. I have had the privilege of kissing some really really great kissers during my kissing spree the last few months (and goodness me some terrible ones too). But one in particular left me feeling very Carrie-and-Berger in Sex in the City. Incredible at everything else--except for that one thing--in this case, kissing.

Now, I'm in my mid-twenties, here. And dating people in their twenties (okay well that was that one thirty-five year old, but moving on...)... And what I do not understand is how one could go throught life being smart, funny and good-looking and have not yet been taught how to kiss. Oh, yes, I understand there are different styles/preferences/methods/what have you. I know, I know. But still.

I mean, when you were fifteen or nineteen or whatever and making out, if you weren't digging the kisses you could say,"ooh, let's try this!" and no one's feelings would get hurt, no pride injured. but now? damn, he's been kissing that way for an awful long time.

I'm quite certain I'm not the first or last girl to encounter this kind of a problem.

so, what's a girl to do? ignore it? hope it goes away? is this a plague on the people? or ooh, maybe it's some weird kind of population control--all the not-good-kissers out there won't get the ladies, won't have babies...yeah, that's the ticket. scarier still? the possibility that someone else actually really really liked this style of kissing.

maybe I should start teaching kissing lessons? any takers? ha!


1 comment:

BrainyBlonde said...

Yeah. That's a problem.. I've had..

1. vacuum boy that just kinda sucks in during the kissing..
2. fat tongue boy..that just kinda well.. grossed me out..
3. No tongue boy who pecked me and tried to make it passionate (um. no)
4. I-dont-quite-open-my-mouth enough boy.. That's never a good one.
5. I spit too much boy..

(starting to sound like a kissing whore...whatever)

6. I just might press my lips so hard against yours that your face falls off boy..

7. I make a funny noise when I kiss you boy (like a low humming.. weird)

8. I have my eyes open all the time when we kiss boy.. also weird.

Yeah.. at this age, bad kissers are hard to break.. if they're GENUINELY bad. With a little training for your particular standards, most can be remedied by starting slow...and you initiating..and they'll follow your lead.. unless they go right into vacuum mode. Never a good scene *cringing*

Kissing lessons 101. I like that idea better than training. People would pay. I think I'd have a good referral service for ya... lol!!!