Thursday, March 15, 2007

walking the very fine line between knight in shining armor and assclown.

so, if you're reading a blog about dating, chances are you know about chivalry--you're either on the giving or recieving end. and chances are you love it or it bugs the hell out of you.

me? I'm a smart, independent, liberal, feminist woman-in-a-man's world. And I eat it up.

But that's not to say ALL chivalry is good chivalry. Sometimes? Damn annoying.

Oh sure, there are parts of it I love. Like how a guy walks on the street side--and switches sides to make sure he's where he should be. Or how he opens doors for you. It might sound funny, but one of my very favorite things? When I, Foxy the Independent, reach to open a door, and the guy reaches in front of me to get it. I'm a not a stand and wait and tap my foot kind of girl, and I am totally capable of opening that door myself. But still? Awesome. And I like it when you ask me on the date, and when you pick me up (as long as I have some kind of a character reference or I know you) and how you introduce me to your friends.

But on the other hand? It can be ri-damn-diculous. Like the guy who insists that he push in your chair. At a place like a Wendy's. I mean, I'm all about the very kind chair-push-in, but sometimes? Not called for. And if you're going dutch and sharing ketchup? Completely unnecessary. You should probably open the door for me when we get to our car, but if I'm driving and it's got automatic locks, don't walk around to open my door--just smile at me real pretty when we're both in it, okay?

I'm pretty much never gonna make a guy put his jacket on a puddle so I can walk over it, but I might let him pick me up so I don't ruin my three inch heels. And I might make you insist before I take that jacket if it's cold outside--but seriously? Despite my protesting I secretly think it's wonderful. I'll even let you pump my gas while I sit and wait--even in my car and even if you're the one driving it--but be sure I'll check you out while you do it. And make sure you know I appreciate how gallant you are.

the important thing is to temper it--you can very easily go far too far, but it's easy too to slack. like how at some point in the relationship guys stop opening the car door for their lady. mostly unacceptable. (especially if they're all gussied up) but realize it's not the 1950s either. Bobby-socked, Sweater-setted Foxy doesn't need you to help her with her jacket every time, thankyouverymuch.

And sometimes, people mistake chivalry for male superiority. Such is not the case--or at least it shouldn't be. Equality and chivalry can co-exist. And if you do it right, they will. And everyone will benefit from it, I promise. Tell you guys what--you open doors, offer jackets and go buy me a drink while I chill at the table, and we women will endure labor, okay? Sounds like a pretty fair trade to me. ;)

also, some articles (1, 2, 3) I found by goodsearching chivalry is dead. people really have opinions on this. what's yours?



BrainyBlonde said...

hahaha.. VERY true!! I personally get awekward with the chair pushing in thing, too.. but not just at Wendy's.. like EVERYWHERE.. I mean.. pull it out..thats okay.. but the pushing in gets weird. Yeah.. weird. I dunno.. Oh, and guys that stand up when you leave/come back to the table.. not necessary.. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU ON THE STREET THING! I notice that SO much if a guy trades me sides so he's walking beside the traffic, he is so gonna get a piece of ass.. likely.. hahahaha. :)And.. I ALWAYS take the jacket, too.. but only after a little "you should really put this on" as they take it off themselves to put on my shoulders.. I'm saying "it's okay.." and thinking "ahh... thank you for not being a moron!" :)

Lee said...

Love, love, love chivalry, and wish it was a required course for every guy in the dating pool (a prerequisite, perhaps?)! Because there's something very endearing about a guy who will open the door, or offer you his hand getting out of the car, or walk closer to the street, even though both of you know you're capable of doing those things without his help.