Friday, March 23, 2007

steppin' to the music I hear, however measured or far away...

ah, Mister Thoreau. betcha never thought your profundity would apply to dating, huh?

so, last night I heard about the forty-eight hour rule. y'know, where the guy waits two days after a date to call you.

And we've heard of the do/don't kiss/makeout/have sex on the first date rule.

Or about how it is/isn't okay to do this/that until this certain time or after.

I know girls who won't sleep with a guy until they've had at least three dates. Sometimes five. Guys who always cook her dinner for the third date. People who intentionally wait until a certain number of hours have passed until they return a call--usually days.

Who comes up with these things??? Do they vary by regions? Do the people who establish them even GET dates?

and it really burns mah grits. (hello, foxy, this is "the south" calling. we'd like to officially welcome you to our ranks. you've passed the phrase test.) [dammit.]

I guess I just don't understand. Because I don't think dating and relationships can be that formulaic. And I would know--I've got a degree in formulas, and I'm kinda a HUGE perfectionist to boot. And who's to say that if you felt like doing ______ on date 3 with Billy Bob over here then you're going to feel like doing _____ on the 3rd date with Johnny Jay when you and Billy are over? I mean, if it's setting limits for yourself because otherwise you'll feel like a whore or whatever, then I guess I get it. And I see that calling someone new every damn day could be a good way to make them want to not talk to you anymore--unless it's clear it's okay, that's called smothering, folks. Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls!

I think this is also getting to me because so many of my friends are trying to live vicariously through me, as far as the dating scene is concerned. They're all coupled, right? And apparently I'm having a hell of a lot of luck in this whole dating department--well, if you call luck getting lots of dates with cute guys. (personally, being lucky in dating seems like it should end in a good relationship, but let's not mince words, eh?)

and I keep getting all sorts of advice/suggestions/questions. Some of it, I like. For instance, when people confirm what I'm thinking. Some of it, I appreciate. For instance, perspective, insight, etc. And some of it makes me batty. Have you done this yet? What, you haven't?!? Won't he expect...?! Oh, you're going to call him back now? Are you sure you want to do that?


So instead, I say, begone, tacky methodologies of dating schedules, farewell to the rules and regulations! I am not a person who needs to be bogged down by some antiquated system that is only (albeit nebulously) in place for those who need the help. Foxy will adhere no more!

I'll just go at my own pace, in my own way and do my own thing. And if I do/don't wanna call/kiss/make out/have sex I will/won't if I do/don't feel like it! Besides, I want a guy who likes me for me (not because I hang with leonardo) and how's he gonna do that if I play with someone else's rules?


next step: eliminate slashes from my vocabulary. i'm indecisive, and all these options are killing me. ;)



LMNt said...


Games/timelines/rules are for people who aren't self assured enough to do what they want. I was just having a conversation with Lisa about this subject yesterday.

Anonymous said...

totally. nail. head. hit.