Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I'm so excited.....
Blogger isnt a fan of the spacing today.. So, sorry it looks crazaaaay!
haha.. Remember Saved by the Bell? Ya know.. the one before Jessie became a stripper on Showgirls? Yeah.. I think her most famous line applies to relationships.. especially mine... *sigh* What is it that makes the "scared" kick in necessarily? For some, it's the fear of ACTUALLY having something worth keeping, I suppose. If that's indeed what we're looking for, why retreat when it gets "too real?" We both do it.. girls and guys... At least I do. sometimes.
This is so blogging in the abstract today, not really a reflection of what's going on with anything currently...at least in depth. In reality, the people I've dated that get "scared," get scared b/c I AM the type of girl they could bring home to mom. I AM the type of person who sticks beside someone when the going gets tough. I could keep going, but damnit.. I guess those things make me scary (insert shivering with fear) Why aren't they scared of the slutty girls that could give them STDs?? Damn, that's who I'D be scared of.. lol!
Just reflecting on my past a little...and also bringing in a little of MY dating fears.. The random, fun, I-havent-fallen-for-you is something I do pretty well.. b/c I keep walls up (as we have discussed at length..haha) However, the falling for someone is less scary for ME regarding something working out..
Dont get me wrong, it IS scary..
But I think I'm MORE scared of going through the whole HIM getting scared again. Ya know.. the whole thing where he bails from fear.. only to come back again when I'm trying to move on and he's "worked it all out" in his head.. Yeah, great for you, assclown. *growl* Way to figure it all out when you've thrown me through 15 different hoops. GRrrrr!! Okay, okay.. maybe I AM going through that a little right now.. but, I'm not only going through it and all it's confusion, but also kinda freaking about getting involved with someone DIFFERENT where it could happen again....*sigh* I know you've gotta take risks, right?
I think the best part is, these freaker-outers NEVER ask me anything when they START the freak out. I mean.. if they'd ask, they'd likely figure out I'm just as confused, freaked, whatever as THEY are!! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH. I feel like SOME of my ex's have made me feel like I was practically chasing them in a wedding gown.. when in fact, I was in NO place to settle down. I just liked being with them. All in all, we tend to project our own fear onto those we date sometimes, I guess...Like everything, I blame this on my 20s. I am so screwed when I turn 30 and this shit is still going on.. hahaha!
Thanks, Jessie Spano, for your inspiration today. *sigh*