Monday, March 12, 2007

The first time....

I visited Mr. Myspace!! My plane touched down and my heart was totally still flying with anticipation. I'd already convinced myself going to see him was a bad idea. I mean.... here's about how it sounded in my head: IbarelyknowthisguyandhelivesfarawayandaweekendisalongtimewhatifwedontgetalongOhmygodIcantbreathe...Yeah.. it went about like that but much more jumbled and faster.. haha..

Got to the hotel for the first night (since the airport I flew into was hours away from where he lives). There was this moment.. of feeling.. so.. yeah.. we're at a hotel together... and yeah.. should we like have the sex? I don't know if I want to have the sex.. HOW OLD AM I?!! Sheez.... Should we get a pay per view flick? Should we play a board game? Hell.. maybe we should check myspace.. hahaha... I mean.. what is going on with my LIFE?! haha!

Needless to say, Friday was a bit awkward for me... I don't know if I was taking an overdose of my cynical pills or what.. but I was determined that no matter how cute he looked standing there at the airport (he did) and no matter how amazing his hand felt in mine in the car (it did) and no matter how much we totally laughed, got along, and had a blast (we did), I was in Brainyland..and it was a no trespassing zone. However, Sat was a different story....My cynicism and defenses are at an all time low in the morning. It's prime time for an attack by a wonderful guy like Mr. Myspace. He had totally prepared his arsenal, I might add.. all cuddly and cute.. and sincere..and warm (like physically.. warm.. I dont like to be cold). Yeah, needless to say we stayed in bed awhile. Damn mornings. *sarcastic sigh*

By Sat afternoon, I had turned my back on cynicism and had entered the zone of possibility.. I smile more in this zone. I think he noticed. I assumed neutral ground (hotel) would make me feel more comfortable rather than rushing in to "enemy" territory. Welp, such was not the case. We entered the place Mr. Myspace calls "home" and I felt my defenses totally deflate as we walked through the door. I kept thinking "damnit, Brainy, get it together!!!" haha. Too late...His place reflects who he is..deep down I was really hoping it would...b/c then I would know I was at least HALFWAY right about the person I THINK he is...

The final battle of the weekend.. well major battle that is... was meeting some of his friends.. Anyone can turn on the charm for MY friends, but seeing how HIS friends treat him and vise versa would be a hefty dose of reality. Mr. Myspace is an army of one, my friends. His friends obviously love him. He treats them well...and they're good people. ~yadayada known by the company you keep thing~ Best part, though.. his friends seemed to like ME.. Not that I was seeking acceptance.. Hello... I'm Brainyblonde...I dont NEED acceptance from Mr. Mypace OR his friends.. But, yeah.. felt good.

Needless to say, the hardest battle forged this weekend was saying goodbye for quite awhile... Yeah yeah.. the defenses got a little jarred and I kinda liked it.. He seems to have that effect on me. *sigh* It's gonna be awhile before we can have that initial awkward seeing each other again hug that still feels so good. The whole distance thing is SO what I need right now.. but damnit.. it's a LOT of distance. Here's hoping my cynicism gets back to healthy levels before then... or maybe not. ;)

~ BrainyBlonde

1 comment:

foxysavant said...

heh.

know what I'm normally told? "turn off your brain, foxy." so, brainy, take yours down a notch and go with the flow. :)