i wanna hold your hand...

In the spirit of * sighs * I had to add one thing.

The act that can make this heart swoon is the simply grabbing my hand and holding on, no matter how brief or long, tight or loose, nervous or confidant, public or private.

The brief hand brush while watching a concert on your first date.
The way he holds your hand in a movie theatre, with his thumb just barely rubbing your thumb.
The quick squeeze when you both realize this party is lame and you need to get out of there, now.

There are so many variations on the hand holding. It may not be sexual act but it sure is sexy. And I will fall for it every time.


TSO - The Sighing One

Spooning leads to forking.. and other bedtime bus-nass...

So. You're "there." You're past the initial first awkwardness and shiznit. He's staying at your place. You're staying at his. You're not in a routine per se.. but really just enjoying the moments.. of which there are MANY. :) While a guy's not down and out if he doesn't do the following, I can't help but swoon when....

1. He makes your bed. You come out of the bathroom, toothbrush in hand or whatever else.. and there he is.. standing in your room, bed fully made. No one said it had to be made WELL, but just the effort makes me want to jump right back in bed with him again. *happy sigh*

2. He gets YOU a toothbrush...without you asking. Foxy posted about the 2nd toothbrush, but man oh man does this make me smile. I love the whole casual getting ready for bed thing.. and he chimes in and says "Oh, hey.. I had an extra toothbrush if you want to use it." This could be because I have really bad morning breath (yeah, likely) but it's also a really cute way of him making my night. :)

3. He lets YOU change the channel.. or actually flips off the sports just b/c he knows it's not exactly riveting entertainment for you. This does NOT give you free reign to channel surf directly to Sex and the City.. but maybe a good Seinfeld or even Friends. Yeah. Cute.

4. He knows you get cold. We're girls. We get cold when we sleep sometimes. Personally, my shoulders just about freeze off my body. I LOVE it when a guy KNOWS that.. and ever so sweetly covers up my shoulder in the midst of switching sleep positions. *even happier sigh*

5. He gets you a glass of water. This can occur after fooling around, first thing in the morning, whatever the situation.. He asks you if you want some water.. to which you say yes.. and (likely clad in boxers), he heads off to the kitchen/bathroom returning with a glass of H2O.. This doesnt make me smile b/c I like people to cater to me...but rather.. just b/c it's sweet.. and thoughtful...and usually makes the morning last a bit longer. ;)

6. He turns off the alarm. I don't know if anyone can relate, but I hit snooze about a zillion times. If he stays with me on a day when I have to get up for work, I typically end up running happily late when, before I know whats going on, he's out of bed hitting snooze... I always take the next snooze (cause like I said.. I hit it a zillion times), but just that he got up...so I didnt have to is adorable. (He's likely just wanting the alarm to shut off and wondering what's wrong with me that I hit snooze so much, but let me have my moment)

Just felt like sayin.. that's all... Kudos to the nice guys... :)

~BB

what is it about the schoolgirl, anyway?

you can swoon like one...
be giddy like one...
or even dress like one.

that last option might end up making you do the other two, if you play your cards right.

but me? I'm option #2 thanks. I've been option #1 and I certainly know how to do #3...but, yeah. Let's go with 2.

Also? not telling ya why. Wouldn't be the first time I'd been accused of being a tease.

anyhow, back to option #3. The costume. Some of it, I get. Girls dress up as sexy things, wearing, for instance, nurse outfits or rocking the Catholic school girl look, only to have guys do their darnedest to remove said costume in the most mutually beneficial way possible. And preferably some part of it is removed with their teeth. This part is fun. I get it.

but what I don't understand is the completely age inappropriate looks. like pigtails. I happen to like wearing my hair in pigtails, but I don't do so to be sexy. Or the girls I saw at halloween wearing completely sketch/slutty Rainbow Brite outfits. Or the ones who dress like naughty nursery rhyme characters. And yes, I realize there are two different types of these costumes--ones appropriate for the bedroom and ones appropriate for public. But sometimes, like on halloween, that line gets a leeeetle bit fuzzy...just a little.

me? I'd prefer to wear something lacy-n-racy over a slutty costume any day o' the week. including halloween. I do like to walk that fine line between damn sexy and damn skanky, but I want to be well on the sexy side, thanks.

anyway. just thinking about all the different ways of being a schoolgirl. I'll go back to thinking about option #2, but you're more than welcome to think about option #3, if you prefer. ;)

~foxysavant

nah, it's not gonna happen! not in a million years!

ah, lily allen. heard her song knock 'em out? it's hilarious.

and it's y'know, about the oh-so-gentle way of letting a guy down.

for instance, she explains, " They're like "alright what you sayin? can i take your digits?", And you're like 'No not in a million years', 'You're nasty please leave me alone.' "

and sometimes just 'cause that's what you're thinking doesn't mean you're gonna say it. well, most of the time. we ladies? we like to be nice if all possible. sometimes too nice, but usually we're not gonna whip out those three little words. instead, we're going to try to avoid the issue, and politely decline.

but the catch for me? it's that I'm not a good liar. I try not to lie. Even in a situation where I don't know you and you don't know me and I could really just say "I have a boyfriend" and it would be over. That's not to say I've never lied--I've pretended I was a lesbian before (hey, y'all have too!) and I must admit that once I kinda did lie about whether or not I was married (I totally left my ex two days later, actually, and kinda crushed some poor unsuspecting guy who shared my birthday, though in a different year, and whose friends bought me and my girlfriends drinks, which I still sorta feel bad for, though for the record I only flirted with him) but anyway, I TRY to avoid it. I just hate hurting people's feelings.

I mean, sometimes you can say "I'm flattered, but no thank you." But sometimes the guys ask WHY. Or they're like, well, just let me take you to dinner. Just gimme a chance...

Once, in a bar with a co-ed group, one of whom really was my boyfriend, a guy who I said no to actually grabbed my hand, wouldn't let go and PLEADED for the chance to take me to dinner--it was in the stars he said. Or the time that this guy kept trying to get his groove on with my very taken friend Cory, and she kept trying to get away from him. Both times the guys came to-ahem-let the person know to leave, but it was a MESS.

Or there are the guys who are strangers but come to rescue you when someone who is clearly a skeeze is hitting on you, only to turn around and hit on you too. And unless they happen to be terribly funny and adorable, they're not getting anywhere either.

So if he's sketch, fugly or not your style, how do you let the guy down gently? 'cause you can't tell him off, or walk away, or punch him, and sometimes they won't take no for an answer, so no one could blame us if we did...right?

~foxysavant

You down with SSB?

SSB= Secret. Single. Behavior.

How very sex and the city, right? Well, yeah, so what..One of my friends, Elle* , and I were talking about ours.. You see, the longer we are single and live alone...or at least in singledom, we have really developed some righteous SSB. C'mon.. you know what I mean.. For example:

~I read my Glamour magazine in the bathtub.. with candles.. It's a ritual damnit.. and I dare someone to mess with me during it.

~When I havent done dishes (I have no dishwasher) and I expect guests, I put them on a cookie sheet (yes, while they're dirty) and shove them under the sink. Yeah. Hot.

~I often stand in my bathroom. One one leg (its comfy). and pluck my eyebrows...for like an hour. I dont even think I NEED them plucked. I just do it. Whatever.

~ Those jeans? Yeah.. I wore them already.. like 3 times.. But, whatever. Laundry is overrated.

~I typically dont shower on Sundays. (Caviat: I ALWAYS do if I smell like a bar from Sat night). I feel like it's my day off and I don't have to shower. Let the funk build. It's hot.

~My fridge is full of leftovers and take out. I'm a bachelor(ette), but you Miiiiiiight think I was a guy if you saw my fridge.

~ I'd often rather watch an MTV marathon than do ANYTHING else.. when I say anything else, I mean return phone calls, emails, etc.. It's sad actually.

~ I watch VH1 in the mornings.. the music videos... and often dance around while brushing my teeth, etc.. If a guy stays over, I watch the today show.. if anything at all.. LOL! Whatever. Dancing around isnt as fun when someone else is there!

Yeah, so you've got it.. You've got the SSB.. What's yours? I didnt have time to account for ALL mine, but there it is...

~BB

Now.. back back back back it up....

Yeah, so quoting a rap song... not so profound, but deal. I, BB, am Sicky McSickerson..and in that.. am sliiiiiightly Cranky McCrankerson, too...

Have you ever been with someone that knows WHAT to say, but just doesnt "bring it?" I mean.. I could give a rat's ass if you SAY you're romantic if I never SEE it...Oh, you're thoughtful? Well..that's just special. Prove it. I mean.. the way I see it..

words=hook
actions=line
Actions PLUS time= sinker

It's not hard.. and if you know WHAT to say.. then you shouldn't have a problem DOING it, right? Hmm...

This post is more just reflecting on human nature.. We know what we SHOULD do...in life, in love.. but often just. dont.

Is this laziness? Is it that the hustle and bustle of today doesnt allow the time we NEED to devote to what we WANT to? Is it fear of knowing what to SAY, but not knowing how exactly to accomplish the task?? Who knows...

All I know is.. if he says it...he'd better be ready for some follow-through... or else I'll back back back back it up all the way to that other guy...
~BB

no, i will not make out with you!

aka, friends with benefits, revisited.

I am in a weird mood today. I’ve started like three or four posts, not of which had the oomph I was going for. So here’s a rant. Do enjoy.

ugh. I have a friend. He is hot and brilliant and pretty damn sexy, really. We've known each other for years. When we met, we were both married, but since we're flirts, we flirted. I've been divorced for years now, but his is still in the works. And he's looking for some action.

previously, after having to grip the swinging-lock-thing on the door in order to anchor myself to reality so as not to get swept away and up the stairs by the kissing I couldn't quite make stop, I told him off. I didn't take his calls, and if I did respond to a text message it was to politely decline. "I'm not looking for anything incredibly serious right now, but I want there to be a possibility of it," I explained to him. And I'd clarified because he'd explained to me that he thought I was hot and was interested in me, but wouldn’t make a good boyfriend right now, and was really just looking for a fuckbuddy. And as a semi-recently singled, known-to-him smart girl that he found attractive, I fit the bill for his "type", y’see. For clarification: this information was divulged 1) after a couple of beers and 2) during the kissing, which was so good I was barely able to stop.

Anyhoo. Flash forward to just before now-ish. That was a few months ago, in 2006. and now we’re almost through March.

So I finally decided that since it had been months since the last time I saw him, and hoping he’d take the hint, I agreed to hang out with him again. And boy, was that a mistake. I explained to him that I’m not just looking for someone to make out with—that I am not just dating to date. It doesn’t have to turn into something serious, but there has to be a real possibility or it’s just not worth it to me. It’s how Foxy’s brain works. He explains that I “don’t have to make out with him if I don’t want to” (DUH!) and that he is actually interested in me, that he really likes me, that he would want to consider being "more." I don’t know what to think of this, and I try to move on, y’know, like you do.

So fast forward (or rewind, depending on your point of view) to yesterday. YESTERDAY. I email to ask him a doctorly question (the name of something—he’s a med school student) and this was the first time we’d spoken since. It’s been faaar too long for him to have any hope with me now, not like he had much of one in the first place, anyway. Ignoring a girl is a sure-fire way to make her not interested anymore, dontchaknow? But then. THEN. He has the gall to basically explain to me that he’d like to be—get this—friends with benefits, but semi-exclusive, and he wasn’t interested in a non-sexual dating relationship.

Hello Foxy, this is disease, emotional trauma and complications calling, we’d like to cause you distress.

grrr.

I don’t understand how he, or any guy for that matter, can have this viewpoint. I mean, sure, any dating relationship could technically be called friends with benefits—if you boil it down in either case it’s often still two people getting their rocks off, flirting, etc. But one has emotion and a path, and the other doesn’t. And in my book it’s okay to date around and kiss and have some good old fashioned fun—for a while. But what, exactly, is semi-exclusive, could you explain, please? And why would I want to agree to it? And it made me think of the feller who commented on this post about how “I can't promise you'll end up with me as a boyfriend if we get naked but I can promise you won't if we don't.” I mean, there comes a point or whatever, but REALLY?

boggles. my. mind.

So, if you’re a guy like that, if you think like either of those two guys do, you’ve got another thing coming. Just giving you a friendly heads up. And maybe my middle finger too, just for good measure. 'cause you? you're an asshat.

~foxysavant

Fighting our own fights

Many things make us smart and single gals. One is we are single, or at least have a plethora of singledom experiences to share with the masses. The other is we are smart, meaning independent, intelligent, witty, charming and a whole bucket load of adjectives. This is a post dealing more with the smartness than with the singleness.

When faced with a less than pleasant situation, we must rely on ourselves defend our points and make our arguments.

We must be our own army and fight our own fights.

Sometimes this means meeting face on the bitchface that made out with our ex and now is going to be at a function.

Sometimes this means dealing with the jerkface who is trying to rip you off as he sells you a car. (Though I found, if you randomly start to cry in the middle of car negotiations they will knock off $500 and throw in new carpet mats)

Sometimes this means dealing with the situation I currently at hand.

Though it is definitely a trying time for me, and I would love to have some other source of strength standing beside me, holding my hand through all this, I am in a small way glad I get to deal with this on my own. I get to really witness how strong of a woman I have become. Can I stand up for myself, defend myself and be happy with whatever outcome happens, knowing I did my best. Can I verbalize exactly what I feel and express, in the most dignified of means, my side of an argument.

I do not like conflict. I grew up in a household that wouldn’t take anything to seriously. I only got into a handful of legitimate fights with my parents, mostly resulting in crazy hippie punishments like hugging trees, planting flowers, or forced meditation. This is not to say I was raised to have opinions and not be afraid to voice them.

So, even though I don’t have a boyfriend, and this is more guy friend trouble than guy trouble, it still takes a smart and single girl to get through, head still high, knowing I am capable of defending myself.

- tso, the 'smart' one

"I'm just some swooning little school girl, right?"

Buffy, the Vampire Slayer said that. And while she said it in sarcasm and jest, it's actually kinda exactly what we she (and most ladies) want to be. A swooning little school girl. It's a tricky business though. You've gotta do just enough to make her knees weak and her heart beat a little faster...

swoon: to be overwhelmed by ecstatic joy. it's amazing, really. marvelous. and wow.

really? it's not that complicated. and just thinking about them makes me flutter a little.

in my order of preference, saving the best for last, the top ones are:

touching the small of our back.
some girls don't like this, but I just can't understand. (I guess maybe they're the type who likes it when a guy leads them around by the neck, right? god I can't stand that) but there's something so delicate and wonderful about gently directing us with a light touch on the small of our back. or standing next to us and putting your arm there. it's almost respectful or something. mmmmm.

looking at us when you think we can't see you.
it is always nice to be checked out. always. it is especially nice when we realize you're checking us out, and you think we don't know. it likely makes us blush. i'm not talking about staring at boobs here, but maybe you see us reading, or typing or driving or even sleeping (but you've gotta be in an actual relationship for this one), and you can't help but admire. we like this. a lot.

linking our arm in yours.
there is something about this little manuever that is a whole lot better than holding hands, particularly if you're walking. it means you keep pace, and no one is in the lead. and it shows us you want us right by your side without our having to be one of those awkward couples with our hands in each other's back pockets. it's more formal, too. and that's probably part of what makes it so nice, that even though we're both in regular old clothes, you're treating me like I'm all fancy. this always makes me smile.

the forehead kiss.

this is far more important than you probably realize. it says a WHOLE lot so use it sparingly. if done correctly, it produces the divine combination of feeling liked and loved and important and beautiful and safe. and it makes us smile. all that with just a peck! (if done incorrectly, it makes you feel like you're twelve or immature, so watch out!) but a good forehead kiss? sometimes worlds apart from a good REAL kiss. if you've ever had a good forehead kiss you know exactly what I'm talking about, and guys, if you've ever given one, I know you could tell. think about how awesome you men feel when a kiss on the cheek is just perfect. now multiply it by ten. :)

you do these things? you better mean business. they might not make the girl fall for you, but they'll definitely do a little feet-sweeping, methinks. but only if you do 'em right. that's the catch. wrong? she'll wig out, it's how we females tend to roll.

it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy just to *think* about how great these things are.

~foxysavant

Ready for it to hit the fan?

Bitchy chicks. We all know em.. Hell, we all can be em..

In reference to my last post about the x-friend inviting and flying Make Out Mistress here for the formal next weekend....

Just went to facebook. Saw my x friend's status was "ready for it to hit the fan" posted the SAME. DAY. the chick booked her ticket (as reflected by a comment on her page)

*laughs*

Where I was nervous before, I am pumped now. People that underestimate me as a smart, single, successful, sassy.. okay.. done with the s words.. but seriously.. when people underestimate me, it really kinda fuels me. I should leave well enough alone.. but...I almost get a kick out of it. I think it's b/c I'm charming (or so I've been told) , classy, and prefer to keep things behind closed doors. In that, sometimes people dont think I can "bring it" so to speak. Where I used to HATE that, I've matured, grown.. and now absolutely LOVE it...b/c I LURVE being underestimated....makes people not see what's coming...very sneak attack if you will...LOL!! I choose my battles carefully... no worries...;)

Anyway, I won't cause drama.. as said before, I'm classy. I don't do in-your-face-confrontation over something stupid like this. However, as all of you-as classy girls on this blog- will understand, we don't have to air our dirty laundry just to wash it so to speak. This isn't about Mr. Ex. This isn't about the Make Out Mistress. This is about having a damn good time not being underestimated.

*Sneering confidently*

Cheers!!
~BB

steppin' to the music I hear, however measured or far away...

ah, Mister Thoreau. betcha never thought your profundity would apply to dating, huh?

so, last night I heard about the forty-eight hour rule. y'know, where the guy waits two days after a date to call you.

And we've heard of the do/don't kiss/makeout/have sex on the first date rule.

Or about how it is/isn't okay to do this/that until this certain time or after.

I know girls who won't sleep with a guy until they've had at least three dates. Sometimes five. Guys who always cook her dinner for the third date. People who intentionally wait until a certain number of hours have passed until they return a call--usually days.

Who comes up with these things??? Do they vary by regions? Do the people who establish them even GET dates?

and it really burns mah grits. (hello, foxy, this is "the south" calling. we'd like to officially welcome you to our ranks. you've passed the phrase test.) [dammit.]

I guess I just don't understand. Because I don't think dating and relationships can be that formulaic. And I would know--I've got a degree in formulas, and I'm kinda a HUGE perfectionist to boot. And who's to say that if you felt like doing ______ on date 3 with Billy Bob over here then you're going to feel like doing _____ on the 3rd date with Johnny Jay when you and Billy are over? I mean, if it's setting limits for yourself because otherwise you'll feel like a whore or whatever, then I guess I get it. And I see that calling someone new every damn day could be a good way to make them want to not talk to you anymore--unless it's clear it's okay, that's called smothering, folks. Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls!

I think this is also getting to me because so many of my friends are trying to live vicariously through me, as far as the dating scene is concerned. They're all coupled, right? And apparently I'm having a hell of a lot of luck in this whole dating department--well, if you call luck getting lots of dates with cute guys. (personally, being lucky in dating seems like it should end in a good relationship, but let's not mince words, eh?)

and I keep getting all sorts of advice/suggestions/questions. Some of it, I like. For instance, when people confirm what I'm thinking. Some of it, I appreciate. For instance, perspective, insight, etc. And some of it makes me batty. Have you done this yet? What, you haven't?!? Won't he expect...?! Oh, you're going to call him back now? Are you sure you want to do that?

icks.

So instead, I say, begone, tacky methodologies of dating schedules, farewell to the rules and regulations! I am not a person who needs to be bogged down by some antiquated system that is only (albeit nebulously) in place for those who need the help. Foxy will adhere no more!

I'll just go at my own pace, in my own way and do my own thing. And if I do/don't wanna call/kiss/make out/have sex I will/won't if I do/don't feel like it! Besides, I want a guy who likes me for me (not because I hang with leonardo) and how's he gonna do that if I play with someone else's rules?

[shrugs]

next step: eliminate slashes from my vocabulary. i'm indecisive, and all these options are killing me. ;)

~foxysavant

Here comes trouble....

Black tie optional. Drama likely. Events as follows:

Stage 1: Going to formal with Mr. Ex next weekend. Looking for a pretty dress. Hoping there's no drama. Excited to hang with friends at the event.

Stage 2: Going to formal with Mr. Ex next weekend. Friend is now taking mutual friend of Mr. Myspace and myself. Looking for pretty dress. Hoping there's no drama. Nervous.

Stage 3: Going to formal with Mr. Ex next weekend. Remember Ms. Make Out from the photos posted a week after the Mr. Ex breakup?? Remember?? Well, here's the link just in case. My ex-friend who posted those photos thought it to be a good idea to fly this Make Out Mistress out here.. for the formal. Looking for a HOT dress. Realizing there will definitely be drama. *sigh*

While I seem to somehow get thrust into drama.. or maybe I thrust myself sometimes.. I hate it. I actually turn completely off to it and act as thought it isn't there. I plan on dancing, having a great time, and having lots. of. wine.

The life of a social single girl can be so stressful. ;)

~BB

it's not just a bad hair day.

so, if I'd been writing this blog about, oh, six months or a year ago, I totally would have told you about Mr. TDaH (tall dark and handsome, don't you know), one of the good-looking Michigan guys I know. We work together. And before I even knew his name my soon-to-be-engaged friend and I would refer to him as “man candy.” Since then we’ve spoken quite a few times, and last time I checked he had a girlfriend who lives in Virginia, and perhaps he still does.

but that is not the concern at hand.

recently, I've been trying this new thing. it's called not-washing-my-hair-everyday. before you are icked out and back away slowly, realize I usually do this on days where all I'm doing is going to work (okay and choir) and I don't have to look extra cute for anything. it allows me to sleep later and really, it's not horrid. it's just not nearly as cute.

today, however, is an exception.

my hair and me? we got in an arguement, y'see. and it won. but I told it! I put it in a ponytail and pinned my bangs back. ha! it looks like crap, but it's work-able (good pun, foxy!). such is life, right?

okay so anyway. Back to Mr. TDaH? The man candy. He's not too buff or too tall or too pretty. And he's definitely funny and interesting and I like talking to him. It sounds like I want to date him, but I really don't (dating people from work is awk-ward!). I just don't want to look like hell when he's around. I'm sure you have someone like that, right?

and of course...he's been away for four months doing contract work through our company. he sent me an email yesterday about playing on a softball team. But that didn’t mean anything—he’s emailed me from the places he travels…and we haven't talked in person since, oh, october? we don't even work in the same building anymore! and today, the second time in probably my entire life that I've gone to work without washing my hair is the day that TDaH stops by to chit chat.

word on the street is that girls are prettiest when they're not all "done up"--like when they've still got bedhead and they don't have any makeup on. and I could see that--but such is not the case for foxy's look today.

so, um, if you wanna take me out on a date, I really might be busy. y'know, washing my hair...

~foxysavant

or so I hear.

as luck would have it, I, Foxy the Single, live in one of the top ten places to be a single.

where it falls, exactly, depends on who you ask, but it's consistently on forbes' top ten list. right now they say we're #6. Others place it at #4.

I find this laughable. Because my neck o' the woods is only any good if you're a gal, 'cause it's oh-so-politely termed a "sausage fest." And for the most part, the singles here are missing teeth, manners or personalities. And sometimes all three. It seems that the only guys who have bought me a drink have been my friends, friends of friends, or didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting my number. (probably because of them being old enough to be my father? maybe that was it...maybe)

this is going to make me chuckle all day long.

~foxysavant

Let's talk about sex ba.by.

Ladies, all the ladies, louder now, help me out. Come on, all the ladies - let's talk about sex, all right...

We've all tried it.. some successfully, some not so successfully.. Telephonic gratification.. or phone sex if you will.. We can even lump instant messenger/email foreplay into it...I'm in an anti-blushing mood today, so I figured I wouldn't waste it and decided to post about sex. So......

There really is an array.. a menu if you will... of which to select option...Please order when ready.

(1) Text sex. This is a good "starter" option for the less experienced. "What are you wearing" usually starts the convo.. or even "I want you." That's a good opener. This option can be utilized at a bar when he's not there and you've had too much to drink, at work where you just feel like being playful, or really anywhere.... That's what makes it fun. Versatile, nonverbal, safe sex..text style.
(2) The actual get on the phone...usually late at night....flirty leads to dirty. Yeah. Whether you go through with it or just play it up like you are, this option is not for the faint of heart. You have to actually participate...not just sit there and breath heavy like you may have asthma. Just sayin, if you're ready for this, you have to bring it. haha.
(3) Email/Instant messenger. Use contractions and don't write like you're writing a damn memorandum at work. The whole "I cannot wait until I see you later. We shall participate in sexual activities." hahaah. Okay, maybe its not that bad.. but still. This is kinda "iffy" if you dont like having evidence of your intimacy.. lol! Emails can come back and bite ya..

When guys need instruction. Funny moments that aren't so sexy.
(1) If you're having the text sex-ness, TEXT BACK IMMEDIATELY. Sheez! We're chicks.. You bore us or keep us waiting and the game is over for us. Seriously. Be creative and use the fingers God gave you to type... damnit! Plus, if you're not typing back we wonder what you're doing.. and well.. that might gross us out. I mean.. it's a TEXT MESSAGE for crying out loud.. Get a hold of yourself, man!

(2) If you having the phone sex-ness, be descriptive. We all know you'd be good with "and then I took of your clothes. and then we screwed on the sofa. done." Really though.. we're girls.. we need more. We need the story from beginning to end. We need romance.

(3) ...which leads to another point, DONT. JUMP. AROUND. What is it with the guys that think it's okay to say "I kissed you in the shower... "then we were in the car.." I'm sitting there thinking "Um.. am I supposed to think it's hot that we just transitioned from the shower to the car?! Did I put on clothes in between? Your fantasy is confusing me. I'm bored." My A.D.D. starts kicking in....and I'm up getting a glass of water and faking the "uh huh.. oh.. definitelys" hahaha.. Tell a story. Don't skip chapters. *sigh*

(4) Did men miss the boat when it comes to understanding we dont wanna hear "boy words?" C'mon.. you know what I'm talking about.. I'm sittin there thinking "Yeah, Ill get outta my element a little for some excitement.. WHOA..why'd you say THAT?! EW.." It's like they started talking to a porn star. That's. Not. Hot. You didn't dial 1-900.. you called your GIRLFRIEND! Sheez. lol!

I sound like I'm going for expert status or I do this all the time. I assure you neither is the case... but I'm not uncomfortable talking about the information I've collected through stories with girlfriends and previous experience.. It's useful. It's funny.. and damnit it's true! hahaha! Keepin things alive is healthy...and if you cant laugh at yourself or your experiences, what's the point anyway, right?! :)

I feel so Oz and his girlfriend from American Pie 2.. haha... Dirty dialing 101 on this Wednesday..
~BB

4th date*

cha cha cha







*hanging out at his friend's place watching "my susper sweet sixteen" marathon, but still.


- the super excited one

foxtrot uniform november

please excuse me while I am momentarily full of myself, but I've gotta tell someone, and if you keep reading, you're it.

consider yourself warned....

sometimes being talked about behind your back is miserable. it hurts and is upsetting. but sometimes, finding out about it is a really good part of your day. it's really quite f-u-n. especially when you were the talk of the night after leaving the party...and the party was full of a bunch of frat hunks most of whom you probably wouldn't want to date but might want to just look at and drool over... :D

I think we need to add another thing to brainy's list. it is totally okay to REALLY like the attention. I know I do.

~foxysavant

The right place for "it"

Snippit from last night's over an hour convo with Mr. Myspace:

Him: "I really want to understand you better" (nice)
Me: "You dont have to understand me." (bitchy)
Him: "I know. But, I'd really like to." (nice)
Me: "Well.. I'm just saying you dont have to." (bitchy)

...more conversating...

Me: "I'm sorry...I'm just frustrated"
Him: "You can just SAY you're frustrated instead of being in this mood."
Me: (insulted) "Well.. I didnt KNOW I was frustrated until I started talking." SHEEZ! Men!

I really did kinda push him into getting frustrated with me.. I mean.. I totally got my way in that regard by the end of the conversation. It really is just throwing out the subconscious bait until he bites and says something I can run with. This, my friends, REALLY IS subconscious despite the way it sounds. I am not TRYING to bait him into it..I'm really not.. I am just so frustrated that I dont know how to communicate and decide being difficult fits my mood. Mature? Likely not. Whatever. I'm expressive...and when I dont know HOW to be, I kinda act out a little.. *sigh*

What provoked this not-really-argument/frustration? I have no idea. I am not the only one who does this, am I?

Yeah, didn't think so. Afterall, we ARE women.

I had the longest. day. ever. and didn't really want to talk about it b/c it somewhat involved Mr. Ex. By the end of the day, my frustrations were wrapped up into one big ball just bursting out of my 5 foot 7 inch frame. Yeah. Totally. Maybe I should have just gone to the gym. Nah..I was too tired for that. :) I was more interested in mental sparring.

So, here's my ultimate deal. I really like Mr. Myspace, but hate being so damn not-in-the-right-place for it. Plus, I hate that HE'S not in the right place for it, either. I know that sounds dumb.. b/c really it IS the best thing since neither of us are "in the right place for it." I get it. I get it. But, the fact of the matter is.. I am TERRIFIED of being in the right place for it in the event he never gets to the right place for it. *sigh* This. isnt. making. sense. hahahaha! Maybe it is. I mean..I sound retarded if I explain THAT to him b/c it sounds like I want HIM to be all about it right now.. which in reality, I DONT WANT AT ALL b/c I'm not there EITHER.

BUT, what if I "get there" and he's still "not there" or what if he NEVER gets there? Here I am putting the cart in front of the horse..and I'm not talking long term.. but more just talking falling for someone AGAIN who in turn throws the phrases AGAIN "I dont know what I want right now" or "Sorry.. Im just confused" back in my wee little heart. It's like I'm doing preventative damage control. I think what REALLY bothers me more than the whole "sorry I dont know what I want right now" is it is inevitably followed by "I want YOU and Im NOT confused. Sorry I put you through that." (Case in point.. Mr Ex lately...and the Mr. Ex before him) We all have our baggage. That's mine. I would rather be a cat lady than deal with hearing that damn phrase of "I dont know what I want right now" ONE. MORE. TIME. b/c I KNOW what's coming in a matter of a month...after I'm moving on.. and repairing damage... it's the "YAY! I'm not an assclown! Be with me!!" Um. no.

That, my friends, is what spawned my little attitude problem last night. I get frustrated b/c it makes so much sense TO MEEEEEEE, but boys are a different animal and I am also way better with writing than with speaking. I make lots of noises when speaking in order to replace words.. Lots of "grrr" and "sigh" and "hmph" noises..Who understands THAT? Not me sometimes. LOL! Plus, I really dont think I WANT to talk about it. It's how I FEEL and I dont see that talking about it will make a difference. There will be lots of "what do you wants" and stuff. I HAVE NO IDEA what that is.. I really just wanna play it by ear. Sometimes it takes me getting royally frustrated in order to just play it by ear. Its like I have to release all the frustrated/worried/confused energy or something.. I'm a weirdo. Officially.

~BB

3rd times the charm...

I don’t often post, because really I don’t often have anything to post about. Oh, today I ordered a 10ft map of Duluth. Yesterday I did a Kathy Smith body sculpting video. Friday I – oh wait, Friday I went over to Mr. Date’s apartment and finished watching a movie we had started.

Huzzah.

3rd date. Even I am amazed.

But now comes the awkward part in any just off the ground, fledging, not even a relationship, courtship relationship of sorts. The first date was planned. The 2nd date was planned. The 3rd a bit more spontaneous. Now it is as if I’m waiting to see I will get a 4th date.

Not that I doubt my amazingness (I’m pretty amazing) or in any way feel insecure (okay, maybe a teeny bit) it’s just an unstable bridge I am stepping on, and the uncertainly that lies ahead.

Its exciting and nerve wrecking and makes me feel nauseous. This build up is the fun part.

No idea where this post is going. More just a place for me to be girly and excited. Thank you for the indulgence.

Here's your sign...

Yeah.. okay.. so I have a theory.. Ready.. I feel that people should have to wear t shirts to bars.. t shirts or stickers or hats or something.. that say exactly what place they're in.. or what issues they have. Their ex's get to make the shirt for them.. well.. this could be problematic for the less than mature people..but bear with me on the concept...

But, hey.. picture it.. I'm at a bar.. I spot a hottie.. I see that his shirt says "Mama's boy and commitment phobe"

I stop. I ponder. Nah, I dont need a mama's boy or a commitment phobe. Moving on.

I see someone that says "not looking for something serious"

I stop. I ponder. I think.. yeah... could be good for conversation. I approach. However, I dont get too close and bail after a few laughs and a cocktail... b/c really.. who wants to fall for someone not looking for something serious...

Better yet.. what about "I've cheated on my past 5 girlfriends" Yeah.. I'd stay away.. but who wouldn't right? Well.. I know some who wouldnt but thats for another blog.

Or.. "I'm not over my ex girlfriend" This could be hum dinger.. I mean.. a challenge for some.. a barrier to many.. Hmmm.. I think I'd approach this one.. but just to see what I was up against ;)

Wonder what my shirt would say.. I think I just want it to say "brainy blonde...bores easily" haha! Teasing... ;)

~BrainyBlonde

Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due...

Judging current relationships based upon past experiences.. We all do it, right? However, there is a definite push and pull balancing act that occurs. It really is a case of how to use the experience you've got..

I'm 25. I'm not a guru of relationship truths at 25. However, I think I have learned a valuable lesson in my wise old age... Using a past relationship as experience is smart. Using it as a comparison/weighing tool is absolutely proposterous. The balancing act can be hard to achieve, though. I mean.. when you know you're not just leaning on your past as pure experience and instead stepping into the realm of placing too much emphasis on a friggin relationship that DIDNT. WORK. So your ex was a complete and utter assclown.. Okay.. I'm with ya.. use that, build from it.. Dont put up with it again. However, does that mean you should avoid any and everyone that might chew their food the same way your ex did b/c that means they too will be an utter assclown?! No. Pickin up what I'm puttin down, people? Yeah. I think ya are.

It's a tough road.. It really is. I just cannot STAND it when I see friends picking apart someone just b/c he MIGHT have SOMETHING similar to an ex.. I mean.. giving your ex the credit to affect your future relationships is giving your ex more credit than he deserves. My opinion. I don't know much.. and I often misuse the experience I have...often ignore things I shouldn't and weigh in on things I also shouldn't.. However... I'm conscious of it.. at least I try to be. That doesn't mean it's not hard.. b/c who wants to get hurt again by the same crap they endured in a previous relationship?!! Not me. Just sayin...making the effort to give credit where it's due is monumental. Failed relationships are exactly that. Failed. Use it. Learn from it. Move on.

~BB