!!!
but I think you might like foxy when she's angry. it's kinda fun when I get all mean. well, unless you're getting the brunt of it.
I've been seeing this guy, right? Our first date was in early December. we got each other little Christmas presents and we've been on a lot of REALLY good dates. REALLY. Like, talk-(and-other-stuff) until-three-in-the-morning dates. With wonderful activities, splendid food, incredible company and breathtaking kisses.
and then.
so, he asks, but you aren't ready for commitment quite yet. you need to slow those horses to a trot. a nice, fun, bouncy trot. a trot with kisses and cuddles and patience. and you say so. 'cause that's how you roll.
five days later. a mere FIVE. you let him know that you-with-the-issues aren't ready for titles, but you're also not seeing anybody else. he doesn't have to reply, of course. but you wanted to let him know.
fast forward with me. [insert wayne’s world doo-duh-lee-doos here]
you have now gone on two more dates post expression-o’-affection, and are on your third. you go see a play. you laugh. you hold hands. he plays with your hair, he rubs your leg during it. Very feely stuff going on, sending some clear i-like-you-a-lot messages.
you go to dinner, you eat, you enjoy, you try oysters for crying out loud! you have wine. and more wine. all good. and then once he gets you back to his place, having just sat on his bed, he tells you he is seeing someone else, too. and has been for a few weeks. now, based on the calendar, you told him you weren’t seeing anyone as of---well, does it even matter?!?---two weeks and a day ago. meaning he wanted to “commit” a day short of three weeks ago. You manage to keep your cool until he says, “I never meant to break your heart. and I think maybe I have a little bit…I hate seeing you just lying there with watery eyes.” which of course made my eyes betray my cool. stupid eyeballs. Plus, who is he to think my heart was his to break, HUH? Yeah, well, I ended up staying at his place that night—it was 3am, I was upset and my vision wasn’t swell ‘cause my eyes kept watering. it was awkward, but he said he liked us both blah blah blah.
le sigh. le-friggin sigh.
but now? hoooo boy.
So, a friend of mine met this girl he’s seeing. It took some snooping to be sure (involving an evite, clues and an indirect question where he over-volunteered info—ps, how magnanimous of her to have offered to not come to the party that we were both invited to, she as a friend initially, me as a bordering-on-gf)
PS-commit talk was on a saturday. party invite was sent the following wednesday. the next day, thursday, I told him I wasn’t seeing anyone else.
and I don’t mean to be rude here (okay, yes I do), but word on the street is she is not a pretty girl.
Not.
Even.
A.
Little.
I’m sure she’s “nice” and “clean” and “healthy” (hello, rush adjectives?) but seriously…she was described as “looking like a rat—no, like a rat with an overbite.” It is NEVER good to be described as resembling a rodent. EVER. So I am being jerked around, given a daily dose of drama and having mini freakouts over a guy who will pick a girl who looks like a rat over me. Ummm…what?!? I mean, okay, so I’m no super model. But I’ve got the smarts, and I’m “easy on the eyes,” if you will. And my boobs and ass ain’t anything to scoff at neither. If you go down the checklist-for-girls, perhaps my only deficiency is my damn *suitcase*, but most of the time that’s a blessing in disguise. I’m a catch. Like, seriously. Not just ‘cause my mommie told me so. But I digress.
so. things that are wrong with this picture…
1) rat-girl.
2) no phone call from guy for ELEVEN days. only email. good emails, with questions, but still…
3) another email for the invite to come over tonight.
4) no phone call to finalize plans for tonight.
5) rat-girl.
6) party on Saturday I’m supposed to go to but don’t know anyone.
7) I’m cute, dammit!
Yeah. guess what foxy’s going to do?
I am going to look hot. H-O-T=foxy. And when I go over to his house tonight I am going to pleasantly sit through dinner, if I can manage it, and then? I’m going to tell him what I think. I’m not going to be a bitch (much) and I’m seriously going to attempt to avoid making fun of rat-girl directly. But I will say…
1) you should invite rat-girl to your party.
2) you shouldn’t have told me you wanted to “commit” and then started dating someone like a week later.
3) I’m not a date-other-people-this-late-in-the-game (hello, dating for two months, much?) kind of girl.
4) I like ya, but you aren’t worth putting myself on the line here. I’m not an idiot. Someone WILL get hurt. And it’s gonna be me. ‘Cause you already picked her over waiting for me once despite what you said like six days prior. And you're nice and swell and all, but I'm not going to go all in for a guy who treats me like this. nuh-uh. [and perhaps a talk-to-the-hand for effect?]
5) we are not in middle school.
6) I am awesome. This is your loss. And you totally deserve her. Totally.
7) later, dude.
Okay, so maayyyyybe I’ll tone that stuff down. A little. But I’m going to start with #1. This is sooo not worth my time. And it’s really effing annoying. Who acts like this, huh?
and if he's all "but I choose YOU!" which I'm HIGHLY doubting, then too bad. because he already was a contestant in the foxy game and he doesn't even deserve a consolation prize. oooh except maybe I'll bring a mouse trap? ;)
yeah, I guess the rat-bastard should have the rat-girl. And that’s what I smell…a rat.
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