Thursday, February 8, 2007

down my throat

The fun of having my singledom shoved down my throat.

I am single. Surprise. That is why I am a writer on this blog. It is a requirement. Single AND smart. It is not an “and/or” title, it is an “and.”

But constantly I am bombarded in my daily life with the sad fact that, yes, I am single. Remember the scene in “Bridgette Jones’ Diary” where she goes to the dinner party and is confronted with sappy happy couples all asking questions of today’s single ladies.

“Oh why are there so many single girls?”
“Time is ticking, don’t you want to settle down?”
“Are you covered in lesions and that is why you don’t have a boyfriend?”

Yes, I MUST be covered in lesions.

My roommates are a couple. And I swear if I have to hear “Hon, will you help me with this?” or a smooch, or even argh, “I love you hon.” I just might vomit. Twice.

Not that I want to hear them fight. I just don’t need to be reminded at all hours of their deep, passionate, never ending love. (He has cheated on her in the past so they aren’t perfect) I have been on dates, and even had guys over for a warm, home cooked meal, and I would never IMAGINE being openly affectionate with someone in from of them. 1) I am not into PDA and 2) it just plain rude.

But every night, I come home to love central and try not to choke on my own double vomit.

I don’t even get a reprieve from this love forced bulimia when I am at work. My AIAR (already in a relationship) coworker and her approach to MY social life involves a “look at me, look at me” attitude towards any boy who visits our desk, for even the most professional of reasons.

Now the AIAR has a boyfriend of over 6 years, but obviously has to be the center of attention at all times, because obviously she is the most amazing woman of all time and how could anyone NOT want her (overweight, ugly facial piercing, obnoxious personality and just plain rude behavior may be a deterrent). But on top of her constant cock blocking of my nerdy I.T. crush, she still has deemed herself the judge of any guy who approaches me. “He’s too tall, too short, too nerdy, too boring, too poor, too rich, too good of a dresser…”

I am old enough to pursue my own relationships and for anyone, except perhaps my mother, my sister and my best friend Katie, to judge my suitors is way out of line. As an adult I am able to 1) get a gun 2) rent a car 3) join the army 4) picks boys I go on dates with.

And I’m not allowing these people to step all over me, I voice my concern for their meddling or their public displays of gross affection. They are just to busy making our or sticking their noses where it don’t belong.

I have allies in the world. Fellow singles who are part of this journey of self discovery. And it is always appreciated when AIARs support your efforts to date. I just don’t like to have things shoved down my throat (but what girl does?)

- always yours, the single one

1 comment:

foxysavant said...

now, I gotta say. using the word "hon" isn't off limits. that should be fair game.

however, smooching and "i love yous" should be limited, if allowed at all.

holding hands is also permissible.

also, when did being single become a disease. it's like I have to proclaim that I'm OKAY with the fact that I've come down with a viewed-as-plague.

oh, and, you get to pick who you date when you hold a real job, pay your own rent and buy your own five basic needs. I mean, unless a guy is heinous (read: murderer, drug dealer, child molester, republican) then you get your pick. :)

if we lived in the same city we would soooo go live it up on valentines day. ooh, maybe I need to have a single girl shindig that night. hmmm.