The safe zone...

So, I've decided that I'm not ready to fall for someone. I have also decided that I will NOT go on a date with someone I dont see ANY potential with at all. So, those two things considered, I am not ready to date. I, am, however, pursuing a newly established safe route.. myspace dating. I am NOT one of those creeps that meets people on myspace in hopes of finding a deeper connection or hooking up. Um. No. BUT, I have a friend.. who has a friend in another state.. who thought I was cute.. and now the friend's friend myspaced me. It was an innocent message. not full of crap, blowing smoke up my ass or anything else.. Just a message to say he knew my friend and wanted to say hi (along with a compliment about my picture that I ate up b/c I was in the mood. Whatever. Compliments are nice) Keep in mind, this guy is pretty damn cute.. seriously.. but not in the "I think I'm hot way" as mentioned earlier..but in the "I'm a nice guy that happens to be gorgeous" way.. Yeah. Fact. I shall call him Mr. Myspace from now on. I have sent a couple emails (via myspace) back and forth to Mr. Myspace.. innocent, yet flirty emails. He suggested a small group of our mutual friends get together when he comes in town to visit family next month. Mr. Myspace will likely be history next month, but the attention from afar is fun, safe, and doesn't require me to get out of my pajamas or establish a connection deeper than "yeah, you know my friend and we're both on myspace. Cool." Still. Baby steps, people.. Baby steps away from Mr. Ex without stepping into a pool of cynicism (like I usually do post breakup) and guys just LIKE Mr. Ex. (Although I DID kinda sorta not stay at home the other night.. stories to follow.. Let's not go there right now)

Speaking of Mr. Ex, he emailed me. He actually emailed me a novel. It was funny.. b/c it was exactly what I thought I wanted to hear..things like "I messed up." and "I'm sorry I was such a jackass when you didnt do anything to deserve it." and "I wish I hadnt done X, Y, and Z.." and "I miss you." He wasnt asking for anything.. really wasnt..just seemed to be attempting to relieve his conscience..which I wasnt sure he had anymore. In a moment of firey annoyance, I fired an email back at him...an email that wasn't emotional or even bitter, but rather cold, emotionless and exactly how I felt. I wouldn't go so far as to say it was cruel..but....It was sharp, yes..very sharp. When I get frustrated, angry, etc, I get brutally eloquent... part of the job I do, I think. Anyway...he wrote me back and thanked me for my email saying it was "what he deserved." I wrote him back, less fired up...more distanced from the whole thing.. and actually wrote yet another eloquent, but nicer, email...(still not emotional, I might add)..saying no one DESERVES to feel crappy. He thanked me. I breathed deeply after our series of emails...It felt okay.. I didn't want him back. I didn't say anything I'd take back. I miss him alright...but I missed myself so much more during the last few months of our relationship. I've got myself back..and I'm not trading that. *happy sigh* I'm not looking for a best friend in him..or even a friend for that matter b/c that would be too hard, but life's too short to have enemies and it feels damn good to not really feel like he's mine anymore..even though I thought that's what I wanted so badly. Oh, I am SO ready to be out of my 20s.. I hear it gets better.. I prefer to live in that delusion.. LOL! :)

-BrainyBlonde