Tuesday, May 8, 2007

yo, pep, I don't think they're gonna play this on the radio and why not? everybody has sex I mean, everybody should be makin' love...

~salt 'n' pepa

okay, I've had it. HAD IT. I'm tired of hearing it. This isn't WEIRD. It's OKAY. You people should go live in the buckle o' the bible belt for twenty-some-odd years. you'll understand. but seriously. I'm annoyed. And I'm not feeling shy today.


I've been without a steady guy for, oh, about seven months now. It's been about a month longer than that since I've "gotten any." And I mean actual sex here. I differentiate. Some people don't, but I do. (and suddenly I'm thinking "it ain't immoral if it's oral.") But anyway.

so, here's the annoyance:

I don't talk about my sex life very much. I talk about dating, but intimate things are intimate, people, and I generally prefer not to share 'em, even in a semi-anonymous venue such as this. however.

why is it that people think it's so dadgum weird that I've not:
1) had sex with anyone who wasn't my significant other at the time
2) had sex with someone random and
3) had sex with the guy that I've been seeing for two months


I mean seriously.

NOW, if we hadn't kissed (or groped or made out like horny teenagers or the like), I'd let you throw all the stones you wanted. That would totally be a little weird, and I would see why you'd think so. Some people might find that okay, but not me, and probably not your average mid-twenty folk.

But why, I ask, WHY are we so focused on sex?

I mean, it's not like I haven't had plenty of chances, here. Rat-Boy wanted to, Mr. Hot-Stuff-Gonna-Do-Me-a-Favor-by-Wearing-a-Condom wanted to, Mr. Drink-Stealer-Who-Redeemed-Himself wanted to, and I even had someone completely mean it when they responded "you." when asked "what do you want to do to celebrate your birthday tomorrow?"

I was told that I could probably go up to any two guys and say "wanna f*ck?" and one of them would say yes in a heartbeat. I've had people try to convince me. They've tried to cajole and wheedle the pant(ie)s off me.

and for choosing not to I was questioned and insulted. seriously, what's so wrong with not having sex? or at least waiting a while to have it?

It's a part of a relationship, yes. and bad sex is no bueno, I agree (believe me, I know, I've had it). And I think for the most part it's silly not to milk the cow before you buy it, but I respect people's decisions because it's THEIR body. Also, it is totally okay to not have a revolving door on your bed, and it is completely fine to get to know a person in the mental and emotional sense before you get to know them in the biblical sense.

I don't think there's an amount of time that needs to pass, but if you don't want to you don't want to...and no one can make you want to.

besides, sex has drawbacks...the risk of disease, the possibility of creating a false sense of intimacy and connection, and the fear of pregnancy, to name a few. there is nothing wrong with waiting a while. not a damn thing in the world. sex has lots of positives too, but seriously, there's not a damn thing wrong with waiting to have it.

and if you think otherwise?

you're not the type of person I'd want to date, anyway.



Kate said...

a month? one lousy month? oh please, girl, try years. lol.

foxysavant said...

no, honey, eight plus. not one.

Anonymous said...

AYou go, girl! I was a virgin until I was 29 (at which point I'd been with the bastard a year and a half and he told me repeatedly that we were getting married ).

The sitch I'm in now, though, is that I want the guy I'm seeing six ways to Sunday but I don't want to jump into bed with him for quite some time yet, like until and unless he pops a certain question. He got me drunk last weekend. It was kind of a good times/bad news situation. Gotta love a guy who, frustrated because he hasn't gotten to second base after six dates, just goes straight for third!

Angela said...

THANK YOU! Thank you, thank you. I think that must be the best post I've read for awhile. I wish I could print this out and hand it to all those people out there who balk when I say I'd like to wait, even if it's been a year.

foxysavant said...

um, so.

sorry to backpedal, but...

just to clarify: I'm not advocating waiting forever. I'm advocating having the option to wait without feeling guilty/bad/shunned/whatever.

that said, if it's another month or two or even longer before he and I have sex, I'm perfectly fine with that. perfectly.