Conflicted...

"Conflicted" is defined online as: Made uneasy by conflicting impulses.
Usage Note: The adjective conflicted is most often associated with the jargon of pop psychology.

"Jargon" of pop psychology, huh? Well.. yeah.. I think jargon works b/c that's what it seems my wee little blonde head is filled with lately....Fair warning: This blog talks itself in circles....

To stay or to go? To try or to not? To take the leap or to remain in place? To risk or to not? Yeah, this blog IS about dating.. but also about the life of a 20something smart, single girl. I think we all go through changes..and they seem to rush in all at once.. then cease for often months at a time.. then wham.. changes again.. I don't mind change.. it's not that.. and I'm truly not "bothered" as I type away on my laptop in front of my french doors. I'm more just reflective and pondering.. :)

I feel as though this whole mid-twenties thing has brought so much clarity to what I want from life, from a boyfriend, from my friends, from myself, from a future spouse... But, in the same respect, do you ever feel as though you're reaching....reaching toward a horizon of what you KNOW is there....but you just cant quite see it or touch it with your fingertips? Yeah.. I think that's MY mid-twenties. Officially. I'm so very comfortable in my own skin and have learned what it means to love deeply, live fully, smile from within and challenge every facet of my being.. I love that..

But.. there's so much I feel as though I'm on the cusp of..if that makes sense.. Maybe it's b/c I'm looking for a new job, maybe it's b/c I've been questioning some things..I dunno.. A great deal of my married friends say they're jealous.. b/c I "could do anything" since I dont really have anyone depending on me so to speak. I mean.. I dont have to get anyone's consent if I want to move to freaking Antarctica.. or just go have a beer on a Wednesday night. But, all in all, while I'm so very happy with that.. I have NO idea what to do with it. I COULD do anything at a moment's notice.. I COULD move to wherever.. I COULD do any of those things. Then, why the hell is it so hard to just make a damn decision and do it at this age?! Sheez! Plus, while I love the freedom to do whatever, whenever... I think we all have those moments when it would be really super great to have someone to ask whether it's okay to move to "Antarctica" or not... or...just maybe whether they'll come with ya so at least it's not so scary, right?

*sigh* As soon as my brain files away the thoughts in my head in a more organized fashion, I shall blog again! :) Until then, my smart and singles, please sip your wine over Heroes (or whatever other show you watch tonight) in your favorite girly sleepwear.. or even in the buff.. and relish in our utter confusing, conflicted, perplexing, yet awesomely beautiful.. singledom.

~BB