Wednesday, May 2, 2007

where's the fire?

foxy, foxy, foxy...

yes, I am talking to myself. on a blog. and using my pseudonym. and I'm okay with that.

so. this guy? the one I've been telling you about?

it's clear he digs me. like, crystal. he calls, he pays attention, he listens, he pays for things, he asks questions and tells me things that matter to him. he wants to know what's on my mind, too. he doesn't quite get sarcasm and he's not a good planner, but hey, nobody's perfect, right?

anyhoo, yesterday, he even did something extra cute. if you didn't know, I LOVE puns. and some kind of popsicle has little punny jokes on the sticks. I know about 'em 'cause my family saved some for me and gave them to me as a birthday present at Christmas. well, yesterday his soccer team had popsicles after the game, and he saved some for me and cleaned 'em off. they say things like "what kind of instrument do whales play? the eel-ectric guitar." g.r.o.a.n.

so, yeah, it is abundantly clear.
and yet, and yet...
I am the tiniest smidge of insecure. just a little hint. a bit. a tinge. a skosh. I'm not even certain about what exactly. All I know is that this state we're in doesn't seem to be cuttin' the mustard for good ol' foxy.

I'm not (necessarily) looking to be his girlfriend (yet). Well, okay, maybe I am a little. But I'd settle for something a little less title-ee. Like, y'know, him saying he's not dating anyone else (I've a sneaking suspicion he's not.), or how he thinks I'm so wonderful or whatever.

He's not exactly a man of few words, but he's also not an over-complimenter. And I don't know where we "are" so I don't know what to say to him. And it's started to make me a little wacky.


except, where's the fire?
where'd little miss cautious go, and why did she stop talking? and for that matter, when? I've tried to pretend to be cautious--y'know, like how if you pretend smile it turns into a real smile--and it doesn't work a lick.

le sigh. ooh, and idea? hows abouts I go stand near the imaginary fire from which I'm apparently running towards a relationship, and I pour a bucket of ice cold water on me. and it. put out the fire, take a cold shower. two birds, one stone. sounds like I'll be good to go.

um, or it's completely okay to feel like this, and I should just run with it. (ha!) one or the other.

also? eek.

1 comment:

BB said...

I dont think I've ever understood ya more, Foxy... TOTALLY with ya on this one..