percussion, strings, winds, words...

remember sebastian? not from the never-ending story, no, no, sebastian from the little mermaid. this guy:

he sang a song that's been running in my head since yesterday, 'cause of just one line. "you've gotta kiss the girl."

one of my guy friends emailed me yesterday. he's about to go on date numero quatro with this chick-a-dee he's been lusting after dating. they met online, and from what I can tell, they're both a bit overly-insecure, but things are going pretty well.

and he emailed me this "someone mentioned to me today that if a guy takes too long to make a move (first kiss, etc.), then it sends a signal to the girl that he's not interested and, in turn, she loses interest. Is there any truth to that? Also, could not making a move show a sign of a lack of confidence, thus being a negative thing?"

I think it's certainly true, and certainly a negative thing, 'cause if you're on your third date and you haven't kissed her yet, and you're an adult, then there's kind of a good chance she's:

1. wondering what's wrong with her that you haven't kissed her yet.
2. wondering what's wrong with you that you haven't kissed her yet.
3. wondering where she's going to find a guy who WILL kiss her.

4. making a grocery list in her head while on your date.

plus, nervousness begets nervousness, so you're about to get stuck in an ugly vicious cycle, methinks.

Now, when I was fifteen, kissing was a big deal. A huge thing. But now that I'm in my mid-twenties I've gotta say--kissing? not such a big thing anymore. At least, not in the holy-crap-I-can't-believe-we-kissed kind of way. I'm all about the toe-curling, the moaning/sighing, the getting to know how the other person kisses part of all this. And people who kiss poorly either need to hit the lessons or hit the road. But really? Not a gigantic step. A very normal step. A very normal step that it's kind of weird to wait until your fourth date to make, dontcha think?

now, maybe it isn't the guy's fault. maybe the girl hasn't sent signals. maybe she's just in it for the free dinners. or maybe she's just afraid he won't like how she kisses. or maybe they should both just pony up and pucker up. you take risks in life and love people, that's how it works. weight 'em, measure 'em, debate 'em, decide for/against 'em, sure. but know that at some point? going to have to put yourself out there. and kissing is totally one of those times.

lesson to be learned:

gals: do your part and make it clear that you would gladly accept a kiss from him. we know how to do this, it's not hard at all.

and guys: grow a pair and go for it. betcha a buck if you've played your cards right she's gonna be kissing you back.

~foxysavant