Friday, June 8, 2007

where does the past fit in the present?

if you've been reading this blog you prolly might could know that my last long-term relationship, with a guy I don't talk about much, who I'll now call FreakishlyTall ended last october. for the record, I do not miss it. it was bad news bears, and i very much feel as though it's a case of good riddance to bad rubbish.
but, y'see...well, we were together for a year and nine months. that's a LONG time. with lots of memories and moments. and he was there for all of them.

so since the breakup (and even when we first started dating) I've been trying to be careful about which guys I introduce my friends to. especially my smugmarried friends.

recently-ish I've been introducing science/soccer to my friends. we already had some mutual ones, which is how we met, but after we hit the month mark I let the smugmarrieds meet him.

they, like every other one of my friends, like him. and as is the norm (thank goodness!) everyone seems to think he's definitely an improvement over the last guy.

but what's hard is this...
sometimes I miss FreakishlyTall. I don't want to be with him. I don't miss his kisses or the way he would sit on my offwhite chair when he came back from the gym all sweaty, or the way he let his mother strangle him with those apron strings. But sometimes? sometimes I just miss him. Like when it's friday afternoon and I want a beer and I think about how we had forties pretty much every friday we were together. Or the kick-ass parties we threw. Or when we went to Nascar. Things that happened. That even if HE was bad at 'em (and good lord knows he was) the memories overall? not too shabby...

I like to say he's a good guy but a bad boyfriend. And we were friends first, and that's significant.He's funny and a good drinking buddy and I know that if I'm ever ever in trouble I can call him and he'll come help. but I can't and won't be friends with him again, because my head knows it's wrong, and that's hard.

but the hardest part of all?
my friends miss him too. and though they all picked me, because I was friends with them first, some of them really really miss him. and I can't bring him back. and if I could I wouldn't want to. one of the couples and I talked about it the other day--I explained that I miss him, but I don't miss the part of him that treated me like that. "No one misses that part of FreakishlyTall, Foxy. Nobody."

I hate it that it seems to kind of taint Science/Soccer. I don't compare him to FreakishlyTall, but my friends can't help it--they were so overwhelmed with how good he was compared to LameExHusband that FreakishlyTall has set the bar.

what's a girl to do?

enjoy her friday of mexican food, beer and bowling, that's what! ScienceSoccer and I are going to kick MA&M's butt. :)


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i know what you mean. i thought about my ex a lot today for some reason. not so much about him but some of the good times we had together.