Wednesday, August 15, 2007

stupid boys and strong women.

have you all heard keith urban's stupid boy? it's a country song, but I really like it despite the fact that I'm pretty picky when it comes to country music. (lyrics here, go read ‘em) But anyhoo, it got me thinking. Thinking about women. Strong women.

Specifically the kind of Strong Women who aren’t strong enough to let go, get on and see what they’re really worth.

Me? I’d like to think I’m a strong woman. I’d be lying if I told you I’d never stayed in a relationship for too long, we’ve all done that. What’s important is that I’m okay by myself. I’m worth it. And that I realize it.

But this isn’t about me.

No, it’s about the girls who get trapped in relationships. Who are being drowned by them, and who could breathe freely if only they’d break from what’s entangling them and swim to the surface. That path up to the top can be scary and lonely and filled with doubt and not knowing, but once you breathe that fresh air…the realization of what you’ve given up and the chances you’ve offered yourself is amazing.

There is a whole world out they’re, and they’re missing it.

I’ve been thinking about this even before I heard the song. My roommate is in the midst of a divorce, and it seems like every week she is better and better. Better because she took that weight off her shoulders.

And another friend of mine is getting married in a few months to a man that I think she shoulda left a long time ago. He doesn’t treat her right, but I can’t say anything because my ex boyfriend is the best man. I talked to her about it once, and she actually said to me “Foxy, I’m scared to stay, but I know I’m not strong enough to leave him.”

Actually. Said. This.

And this list? It goes on. and on. and on.

I don’t know what to do. I’m no expert, but it’s so easy to be oblivious when you’re in the thick of it, and not see things for what they are. I once described myself in one of my past relationships as looking with blind eyes.

And I think a lot of people do that.

So what do you do?
What do you do?

How do you tell a girl to love herself? How do you explain that the man she likes/loves/lusts is not worthy of her? That he drinks too much? That he works too much? That he doesn’t respect her? That he doesn’t support her? That he is holding her back? That he doesn’t deserve her?

And how, praytell, do you make it clear to guys that they can’t treat women like this?


1 comment:

busty brunette said...

you can't tell a girl to love herself. she has to learn that, and it's hard for her because she's afraid to love herself BY herself and it's hard for you because you can't teach her when you want to so badly.

there's another song, it's by Faith Hill called "I Would Be Stronger Than That" and it's specifically about spousal abuse. yes women should be strong enough to know their worth and smart enough to leave, and i thought i was that girl until i was in the situation. i stayed in that situation for 2 1/2 years until my child was hurt and then i made my decision to protect her. it wasn't until 2 years of therapy later that i realized the decision i made based on the unconditional love for my daughter, should have been the decision i made wayyy before she ever got hurt based on an unconditional love for myself.

the cycle of abuse is strong. it works. and men know it works. they know the things to say, the buttons to push, the games to play. it's second nature to them and they give a bad name for all men, because when a women finally does break down barriers, another man will try to break her down again.

the only thing you can do is be a friend. let her know that you stand strong beside her but that you won't stand strong FOR her[then she becomes dependant on you instead of looking to herself], because in order for her to change, she has to WANT a change. and in order for her to want a change, she has to learn to love herself. and sadly, that's one of the hardest things for a women to learn.

i have that love for myself now. i am doing much better without that toxicity in my life. in my children's lives. no thanks to a stupid boy, i am now a strong woman...someone i had always dreamed of being!